Struggling a bit

I admit it, I've been struggling a bit.

Life can be stressful and though much of the time I think I handle it pretty well, usually opting to try and look at the bright side, every now and then I feel myself sinking.

This morning I woke up an hour before my alarm was to go off.  I laid in bed at first, hoping to fall back asleep, but soon enough I realized that wasn't going to happen.  My body might still have been tired, but my mind was wide awake. 

I got up, trying not to wake Nash in the process.  I think he noticed, but was sleepy enough he dozed off again.  I was all out of sorts, feeling weepy and before long tears were streaming down my face.  After I cried a little I managed to get my emotions reigned in enough to clean myself up and head back upstairs.  Everyone else was still sleeping, but needed to wake up.

It didn't take Nash long to realize that something was amiss.  He tried to get me to open up, but I just wasn't ready.  Sometimes I need a little time before I'm ready to talk and though sometimes he mistakenly pushes too hard to get me to open up right then and there, he also can be quite good about giving me the time I need.  Notice that I didn't say the time and space I need because it's usually better if he keeps me close at times like that.  I might *think* I want space ... or I may actually need space in the sense that I may not want to cuddle or whatever else ... but generally if he gives me space, as in he leaves me on my own, to my own devices, well, I'm likely to fall farther down the rabbit hole.

Today his tactic was to get me out and about, but in a way that didn't require much interaction with others.  This time of the year is beautiful in our neck of the woods.  The fall leaves are spectacular in their varying hues of red and orange and yellow.  We went for a drive.  I brought my camera, a very nice camera that he bought me for Christmas last year.  He stopped many times along the way at scenic vistas, getting out and walking with me, my hand held in his, and waiting while I took as many pictures as I desired.

It was nice.  It was therapeutic really.  It got me to focus on something other than all the things I've had on my mind lately.  And Nash was there, right by my side, not pushing, not pulling, just loving and supporting me. 

Today's excursion didn't solve anything or even allay my worries really and it certainly didn't change any of the current circumstances.  But, tonight I'm really just tired and it's a good tired, a calm tired, a I can face another day tired and that's thanks to Nash.  I thank God every day for sending me this man of mine.  I truly don't know what I'd do without him.


  1. Its wonderful sometimes when they know all we need is them near. Hugs

  2. Hi Lilli, I'm sorry you were struggling and an glad Nash was there to help.

    How wonderful he knew exactly what you needed and what would help. He knows you so well, when you need space and when you need him close.


    1. Thank you Roz! He knows me better than I know myself sometimes I think.

  3. Sometimes a change of scenery does take us out of our mind, especially if we are going out of our mind ;). I hope you will be able to rectify your thoughts/emotions soon so you can carry on with less painful days.



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