Going from Crisis Mode to Reconnecting

It seems like we've been going from one crisis to another.  Maybe you can relate. 

I think most of us have gone through times when life just feels overwhelming, when it's sink or swim and you're exhausted from trying to swim as fast and as hard as you can, but it still sometimes feels like you're going to drown.

If you've gone through a time like that recently or are going through a time like that right now, I'm so sorry.  Hold on tight to whatever life rafts come your way ... to whomever matters to you ... to anything positive that crosses your path (no matter how small) ... to your sanity (even if it seems to keep slipping from your grasp) ... and, in my opinion most importantly, to your faith. 

Unfortunately it's true that life isn't all sunshine and rainbows.  But, we only have one life to live ... a finite amount of time to fill however and with whatever we choose.  And that's the thing.  No matter what circumstances are happening around you or to you, have happened or will happen, you still have a choice.  No, you may not be able to choose to change the circumstances ... sometimes things happen that are completely out of our control.  But, we can choose our attitude, our actions, our reactions, etc.

Interestingly enough, some of the people who have been through the most difficult things choose to be the most content.  It's not what we go through necessarily, because we all go through things, but it's how we choose to allow those events to mold and shape us.  It's about the type of person we choose to become.  It's about the lens we choose to view life through, about our perspective.  While I think I can safely say that none of us wishes to go through difficult circumstances, it can turn out to be those very circumstances that help us to become a better person, perhaps the person we're meant to be.



Yeah, I know, it's definitely easier said than done.  I've been struggling with it myself.  It's funny, generally speaking during a crisis I'm able to step up to the plate and handle it, handle things, handle whatever needs to be handled pretty well.  But, afterward?  Well, that's sometimes a very different story.  At some point I may fall apart a bit.

That's what happened this weekend.  Nash is doing so much better.  He's slowly, but surely healing.  That crisis has all but passed.  And yeah, I think I held up pretty well during it.  But, letting go of all the pent up emotion, of the worry, the fear, the stress ... that part was messy.  Poor Nash got the brunt of it.  But, he stuck with me while I got it all out.  And that turned into a time of reconnection for us.

We were lying in bed and I said that I just felt like there was so much space between us, that he felt so far away, that I couldn't feel him, not really.  Now, I'm sure that seemed odd to him because we were lying beside each other, touching even.  Of course I meant emotionally speaking ... and ... with everything we've had going on it had been awhile since we'd physically connected in an intimate way as well.  And while I'm usually pretty good with words, sometimes they fail me.  Sometimes I'm too wrapped up in emotions and words don't seem to be able to fully convey my feelings.  But, Nash figured it out, figured me out.

He stripped me down and himself as well so that I could feel him, so that there was nothing between us, so that he didn't feel far away anymore.  He used his words to soothe me, to remind me how much he loves and cares for me, to remind me of our dynamic.  There was cuddling and kissing and a few spankings and then he pulled me on top of him and entered me, his fingers pinching my nipples.  It was all so intense, probably at least in part because it had been awhile.  Before long I was the one under him, riding wave after glorious wave until rising up and over the largest crest together.  Then we washed up on the shore, entangled, out of breath, as if no one and nothing else existed, together, content.


Yeah, there's still stress in my life, in our lives, but today, today is a good day.  And if I really think about it, about the bigger picture instead of focusing on all the things that can make life feel stressful, aren't most days good days?  I'm here.  I have a loving husband.  I have two wonderful kids.  I have friends.  I have family.  I have people in my life whom I love and who love me.  I was created by a loving God who is ever-present in my life, even if I do struggle sometimes to understand his plan and/or see things his way.  I have food to eat.  I have a roof over my head.  I have so much, so very much.  And really, that's the perspective, the lens, that I should try to look at life through. 

Comments

  1. Glad things are good or at least better.

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    1. Thank you Angel Blue! How are things with you?

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  2. Hi Lilli, this is such a wonderful post and a great message. Thank you for sharing. Perspective is everything isn't it?

    I'm sorry you are dealing with so much stress. So happy to hear Nash is doing better and that the two of you had some much needed reconnection time.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Thanks Roz! It was definitely needed. So much really is about perspective rather than circumstances. I forget that sometimes though. (((hugs)))

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  3. I hope things get better for you, sometimes life is just hard, really hard and we have to try and make the best of it.
    love Jan, xx

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    1. Thanks Jan! I agree. (((hugs))) How are things with you?

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  4. Life can be tough, but usually when you're at the end of your rope, a lifeline appears. Keep looking.

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    1. Thanks Leigh! I'm not at the end of my rope, thankfully. I'm just tired of one thing after another, but trying to recognize and cherish all the good stuff in between. ;)

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