When is a necklace not just a necklace?

When is any piece of jewelry or material possession more than the sum of it's parts?

When it holds meaning, significance.  When it stands for something.  When it's a symbol of something more.

A symbol can be defined as a thing that represents or stands for something else, especially a material object representing something abstract.

If you think about an engagement ring or a wedding ring or an anniversary ring, they aren't just rings, are they?  No, they aren't just pieces of jewelry.  They symbolize something, like the the love between you and your spouse...an outward symbol of an inner commitment.

The same holds true for the necklace I'm now wearing.  It's a nice necklace.  I think it's quite pretty.  But, that's not why it's so special to me.  Nash gave it to me, which does make it special.  But, there's more to it even than that.  It holds meaning, significance.  It's symbolic.  Like my wedding ring it's an outward symbol of an inner commitment.

So, what commitment does it symbolize?

It symbolizes our D/s commitment to one another.

Just like our wedding rings are an acknowledgment of our roles as husband and wife, my new necklace is an acknowledgment of our roles of Daddy Dom and babygirl.

In BDSM terms, and more simply stated, it's a public or day collar.

In his blog post The Collar: More Powerful Than A Locomotive, Corey Harper writes:
"Perhaps more so than any other physical object in the BDSM community, the collar holds the greatest symbolic emotional weight.

It has been likened to a wedding ring… but not quite the same. It is difficult to quantify, this simple strip of leather and metal. A wedding ring tends to be an outward manifestation of a couple’s bond, and a collar does that as well. But it goes deeper.

To me, the collar symbolizes trust, more than anything else.

There are depths and nuances of this trust, and we could probably talk about it for hours (and I have). As a Daddy Dom, I don’t use much in the way of other BDSM accessories when I play—and everyone knows I can’t tie a pretty knot to save my life—but my babygirl does wear my collar.

It’s emotional. It’s heart. It’s a couple telling each other, “I truly promise I won’t hurt you.”

And yet, it’s still more."

You should really check out the entirety of his blog post though, there's a lot more to it than what I shared here.

When you picture a collar, you may not picture a necklace.  What comes to mind?  Does it look more like this?

Well, that is definitely a collar.  But, for most people, it just isn't practical for everyday wear.  That's where a day/public collar comes into play.  Such a collar can take on many forms, but it's most likely something that no one else would give a second thought to or have any reason to think that it may be more than just a necklace or piece of jewelry.   

There are many choices when it comes to what to use in place of a traditional collar to signify your D/s commitment.  It could be a ring or a bracelet or an anklet or a piercing or a tattoo or...well, you get the idea.  

Mine is a necklace.  It's a very nice necklace.  It's a chain.  There's a pendant.  But, it's more than that.  And it makes me smile just writing about it.


  1. Collars hold such deep meaning. I gave Kayla a necklace some time ago to symbolize our commitment in D/s. One day my intention is to give her a day collar as a true symbol of what we have together.

    1. I'm curious Mr. Brownstone, if the necklace symbolizes your D/s commitment, how would a day collar be different?

  2. Lilli, As our relationship grows and we become more a part of our local BDSM community I have been giving thought to a formal day collar and a collaring ceremony. As a wedding ring symbolizes a commitment of marriage so does the collar give the same type of commitment to D/s

    1. Hmmm...okay, so while both represent your commitment in D/s the day collar would be a more formal expression of that than the necklace? Is that what you're saying? If so would the necklace you gave Kayla be more like an engagement ring and the day collar be more like a wedding band? Just trying to understand. We're not involved in a local BDSM community, so perhaps that's why the distinction between the two eludes me...or perhaps it's because different things have different meanings to different couples.

    2. Yes, the day collar would be more of a symbol like a wedding ring. A collaring ceremony you would exchange vows of commitment to each other on a Dom and sub level.

    3. Thanks for indulging my questions Mr. Brownstone. A ceremony seems a bit superfluous in our case, but I can understand why others would choose to have such a ceremony. I'm sure it will be very special for you and Kayla. :)

  3. Hi Lilli, I have a necklace that symbolises our commitment to our relationship and our dynamic and I absolutely love wearing it and the fact that only we know its true significance. We had our own little collaring ceremony and it was special.

    I also now have a BDSM collar for private use lol


    1. Very nice, Roz!
      I'm just not big on ceremonies in general. I can understand why it would be special though. ;)


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