This Means War

My body is at war with itself.

I seem to be collecting autoimmune conditions ... because collecting something like salt & pepper shakers would be boring I guess.

An autoimmune disease is defined as a disease in which the body produces antibodies that attack its own tissues, leading to the deterioration and in some cases to the destruction of such tissue. 

I was diagnosed with my first autoimmune condition 10 years ago.  Thankfully that one is pretty well under control these days with the help of meds and some lifestyle changes.

Over the years my immune system has had ups and downs.  It will behave itself pretty well for awhile (perhaps because it's suppressed enough by drugs that it has no choice).  But, inevitably (or perhaps invariably...I wonder, which word would be better to use...these are the types of questions I ask myself when writing, lol) it will start acting up again.

Recently my immune system has been up to mischief.  It's quite naughty.  And at this point, I'm frustrated.  New symptoms mean more testing, more doctors, probably more meds and possibly some procedures just to round out the whole experience.  Blah.

Granted, having an answer to what's going on is generally preferable to living in limbo, the land of the unknown.  And yes, there are certainly worse things to deal with in life.  But still, it gets old after awhile.  Mind you, given the choice between being six feet under and dealing with medical conditions, I'd obviously choose the medical conditions.  But, shouldn't there be more choices than that on a multiple choice question?

*sigh*  I generally deal with this stuff fairly well.  If you met me in person I doubt you'd have any idea that my medical history is what it is.  But whenever something new comes up it throws me. Hopefully, soon enough I'll know what's going on, have a treatment plan and be feeling better.  But, until I feel like I have a handle on it, well, I tend to feel a bit discombobulated.

One of the things I try to do when I feel like this is to look for ways I can help others.  If my focus was all on myself right now I'd just end up feeling worse.  But, if I help others, not only do they benefit from that, but I do too.

Another thing I try to do is be real with my friends and family.  Yesterday a friend asked me how I was.  I answered truthfully, "not good."  And I was rewarded with kindness and understanding and a hug that I really needed at that point.  As it turns out, my friend needed that hug as much as I did.  But, I wonder, if I had said that I was fine, would my friend have said the same?  And maybe neither of us would've ended up with the comfort we both needed. 

Another thing that helps keep me grounded at times like this is to focus on the many things I have to be thankful for.  No matter what's going on there's always plenty of blessings in my family, my friends, the roof over my head, food in my belly, etc.

And never underestimate the power of laughter.  I often say I'd rather laugh than cry.  And though I do succumb to tears at times, as we all do, I prefer to laugh.  My family and friends are great at helping me with this one.  That is definitely one of the things I love so much about them.

And of course I rely on my faith at times like this.  While things may be out of my control, they are never out of God's control.  Now mind you, his plan doesn't necessarily look the same as my plan.  If it did, I wouldn't be dealing with any of this.  But, I do trust that he has a plan and that there is a reason things happen in this life.  


  1. I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this Lilli, it must be so hard. I hope you get some answers and are feeling much better soon.

    I admire your positive attitude and love your coping methods. I think it's wonderful that you and your friend were both able to share and that you both got the support you needed.

    Sending positive thoughts and healing energy your way.


    1. Thanks Roz! It is what it is. Everyone has challenges in life. To me it's not the challenges that define us, but how we respond to those challenges. Admittedly, I do get frustrated and down sometimes. But that's just not a place I'm willing to stay in for very long. If I chose to dwell there I'd miss out on all the wonderful things in life. ;) (((hugs)))

  2. I hope you get answers soon, dealing with the unknown is always difficult. I love all your coping mechanisms....Will be keeping you in my prayers and thoughts.
    hugs abby

    1. Thanks Abby! I actually did get a partial answer yesterday and started on a new med. It will likely take a little while before I'll start noticing a difference, but it's a good start. ;) (((hugs)))

  3. This was very helpful to read. Sometimes you can feel so many people don't understand auto immune problems and how difficult to diagnosis and treat. Thank you for writing about this - you helped someone today (me)...smiles...

    1. Hi! Thanks for stopping by and saying hello! I'm sorry that you deal with autoimmune problems too. It can be frustrating, that's for sure! I'm glad my post helped, and thanks for letting me know. You made my day! :)

      Btw, do you prefer to be called Sirs Little Darling or Darling or ____? I promise to try to remember if you tell me. ;)


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