D/s - Inception

When did I first become interested in dominance and submission?  I really have no idea.  I do remember some things from childhood and adolescence that in hindsight hinted of things to come though.

When I was quite young a couple of my friends and I would sometimes play house with our baby dolls.  We'd take turns being the mommy and daddy and big sister.  I remember pretending to be the naughty big sister sometimes and getting lectured and spanked.  And I remember liking it.

I also remember spending the night at my cousins house.  We were supposed to be sleeping, but of course we weren't.  My uncle would yell and bang on the bedroom door and we'd be quiet for a little while, but before long we'd start causing a ruckus again.  When he finally had enough he barged into the room.  My cousins screamed in panic and I did the only thing I could think of to do, which was pretend to be asleep.  It seemed ridiculous even to me at the time, but all I could do was try to be the best actress ever and hope and pray it would work.  He flipped on the light and I could hear him taking off his belt as it slid through the belt loops.  There really is no other sound like it, is there?  Then all I could hear was my cousins yelling and crying as he whipped them.  When he was done I remember something being said about how exhausted I must be to sleep through all the noise earlier and subsequent punishment.  I could feel eyes on me, but I didn't budge.  And my cousins, God bless them, didn't rat me out.  Finally the light was turned off and the door closed and all I could hear was my cousins sniffling.  I felt terrible for them.  And I felt guilty.  I didn't think they deserved the punishment they'd gotten, but I knew I was as much to blame as any of them.  The incident scared me, and yet it fascinated me too.  I'd never experienced anything like it before.  I can only remember ever having been spanked as a child once.  And that memory is very vague.  I think I must have been quite young.

When I was a bit older, as I traversed the hormone filled waters of early puberty, I discovered romance novels at the library.  I loved to read (still do) and I devoured them.  Then I discovered a local second hand bookstore where I found some books that made the ones I'd been getting from the library seem pretty tame in comparison.  While I wasn't sure how I felt about some of the things I read, for some reason I was more intrigued than put off.

And then there was the time I spent the weekend at my grandparent's house.  There were always books everywhere.  Both of my grandparents loved to read.  My grandfather generally read non-fiction, mostly historical books.  And while my grandmother also appreciated a historical viewpoint, she preferred fictional accounts filled with intrigue and romance.  I didn't usually pay much attention to their books though, as I usually came prepared with my own.  But on this particular weekend I'd forgotten to pack the book I was reading and I was having trouble getting to sleep.  Since my grandparents didn't have a computer at that point and it was before every teenager had a smartphone/tablet/laptop my options were limited.  And so I picked up one of my grandmother's books.  Forget the romance novels I'd borrowed from the library.  Nevermind the books I'd bought at the second hand store.  This was intense!  We're talking Japanese rope bondage, nipple torture, caning, etc.  Oh my!  It was all set in a historical framework mind you.  It wasn't a little paperback book, this was a novel.  And what a novel it was!  I never did get to read the whole book.  I wish I could remember the title or the author or something that would give me a clue so I could find it.  Unfortunately, it's too late to ask my grandmother.  And when she was alive I certainly didn't have the bravery to do so...not that I'm sure I would now either mind you.

Speaking of fictional accounts, I had this little fantasy when I was a teenage girl.  I would be kidnapped by a group of young men, though there was one in particular who stood out and took the lead.  And he tied me to a spanking machine.  Sorry, but I don't remember many details.  I imagine that's because I would change and embellish the storyline here and there over time.  But, it was one of my first and one of my favorite sexual fantasies at the time.

I wondered as I was writing this, does someone actually make such a thing, a spanking machine that is?  As it turns out, the answer to that is yes.  As to how well they work, that I can't attest.  But, if you're curious about the history of such machines check out this article:  The Spanking Machine: A Resilient Myth In Popular Culture.  It's rather interesting.

As I'm sure you can tell, there have been a number of things over the years that have left an quite an impression on me, literally or figuratively.  And I really don't need a spanking machine these days.  Nash is happy to fulfill that role...nicely or not so nicely, depending.  ;)


  1. That is too funny about the spanking machine who would have thought it would actually exist, thanks so much for sharing Lilli.

    1. Fact is sometimes stranger than fiction it seems, Angel Blue. ;)


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