He's Got Me
I'm learning that even when I don't think Michael has me, he does. He may not be expressing it in a way that I understand. It may not be emanating from him, oozing out his pores. But he's got this. He's got me. And I need to learn to trust that, to trust him.
Trust is something that is built though, not just given. And my trust had been broken. But, the rebuilding has begun and things are getting better...more slowly than either of us would prefer, but sometimes these things just take time.
One problem we've run into is that I get out of sorts much more easily these days. Little things can really throw me. I think it's because I tie them into bigger things, hurts from the past, the recent past. So, a little thing becomes a big thing. And that has been really hard for both of us to deal with. I can get kind of stuck and I need his help to move forward. But, I can be very guarded and refuse his help. There have been times that I've just refused to engage at all. I just shut down. As you can imagine that's been a challenge for both of us. I'm learning how to communicate to him what's going on within me and he's learning how to help me even when I don't seem to want his help. Sometimes, it has been a case of one step forward, two (or more) steps back, but we're working on it.
What we could really benefit from right now is some time for just the two of us...preferably after we've both had a good night's sleep. But both alone time and enough sleep have been elusive things and hard to acquire. That said, part of the reason for that is because we had company for a few weeks. And I must say that we really did have a wonderful time with them while they were here! We miss them already! But, hopefully now we'll manage to find a bit of time for ourselves. Summer is always hard that way. I love summer, but it's a busy time of the year, for the kids and I, but especially for Michael.
If I sound "down" in this, I'm not really. I'm just tired and wishing Michael and I could have a little get away, just the two of us. And even though there have been some challenges lately, things are moving in a positive direction and after being mired in the muck for so long, we're both very grateful for that!
Hmmm, since I don't think a vacation is going to pan out anytime soon, maybe I should try to plan a stay-cation! Oh, it would probably only be a weekend (at most...and maybe not a full weekend at that), but that may be the only way to get my hubby to myself for a little bit. Okay, so I know you must have some ideas for me. If you were going to plan a stay-cation for you and your hubby, what would you plan? What would you do to prepare? Ideas! I'm counting on you! I need ideas! :)