Getting Into the Groove

To "get in the groove" means to enter into the spirit of the situation or circumstance of the moment. The groove is really the track on an old record in which the needle of the record player had to ride in order to reproduce the music--so the meaning is figurative. The common version of this expression is "get into a groove," which means to get used to a routine, to get settled into a comfortable pace doing something, to hit one's stride.   

It's interesting.  I think Michael has had an easier time getting back into the groove of ttwd than I have.  I think his dominant side that had been lying dormant for awhile was itching to get out and stretch it's muscles.  ;)  It feels like he's taking ownership of ttwd.  It was his decision to begin again, to move forward with it, after our break.  It's not that I didn't have any input in the decision.  But, it wasn't something that I initiated, unlike when we first began this journey.

Life has been busy and Michael has been working a lot so we haven't had a lot of "us" time, but even just little things catch me off guard lately.

For instance, when Michael got home from work Saturday, the way he pulled me to him and held me while he kissed me wasn't something I was prepared for.  I was prepared for a little peck or even a slightly lingering kiss, but he completely took me off guard with that kiss of ownership (if you know what I mean).

And at one point over the weekend I was pushing my luck a bit.  I was looking for attention really, but not going about it in a very good way.  It caught me off guard when he quickly put a stop to it.  He was so firm and I was left wondering what happened to my wiggle room.

As far as rules or guidelines go most things fall under those D's (you know...disrespect, dishonesty, disobedience, danger).  I really only have a couple of more specific rules right now.  One is that I need to drink a certain amount of water daily and I have to tell him every day whether I drank it or not.  The other rule is that I must exercise a minimum amount per week.

Last week I broke both of those rules.  I didn't drink my water every day.  And I didn't let him know that I didn't drink my water on the days that I didn't (I mean, how hard is it to rat yourself out?).  Also, though I did exercise last week, I didn't meet the required amount.

And that was the topic of conversation last night.  We discussed why I hadn't met the exercise requirement and he extended grace to me because I hadn't been feeling well.  We also discussed the water, or lack thereof, and the fact that I failed to inform him some of the days also.

Water.  It's good for us, right?  It's important to drink water.  And yet, it's just something I won't do on a consistent basis without um, shall we say, encouragement.  Oh, I'll be good about it for a little bit, but then I'll stop altogether and I won't drink any water.  And in place of the water I'll either drink things that hold little or no nutritional value or I'll hardly drink anything at all.  Either way, that's not good for me.  I know that of course.  And yet I'll repeat that pattern over and over without some help staying on course from Michael.  Why?  I wish I knew.  It's just something I struggle with, for whatever reason.

So, back to our discussion.  Michael had told me when he set forth the water (and reporting re: water) rule that he would punish me if I didn't follow through.  And yet, I think he was considering letting me off the hook.  While I didn't really want to be spanked, that would have been a bad decision on his part.

Don't get me wrong.  I don't expect him to be perfect.  I'm certainly not.  I mean, if I was, he'd have no reason to discipline me to begin with, right?  But, when he doesn't follow through I struggle on an emotional level.  I have a harder time respecting him because he didn't do what he said he would.  I wonder why I should bother putting the effort into following the rules if he's unwilling to put in the effort to enforce them.  I revert to making decisions without regarding his wishes or seeking his input.  But, when he follows through it just makes me feel secure, like he's got this, he's got me.  It makes me feel like we're a team.  I feel that he really cares and isn't just arbitrarily laying out rules.  While my bottom is being warmed, my heart is as well.  That's really odd, right?  And I don't know why it works that way.  I spent awhile trying to figure that out when we first started doing ttwd and I concluded that it really doesn't matter why it works.  It only matters that it does work.

So, as I was saying, it seemed like Michael was considering letting me off the hook.  But, whether he had been thinking about it or not, that's not what happened.  Over his knee I went as his hand repeatedly connected with my bare bottom...oh and my thighs a few times too!

And so it seems that we're getting back into the groove of ttwd.  It feels a bit different to me at this point than it felt before.  Oh, I don't mean the spanking.  That hurt before and it still does!  lol  But, on an emotional level it feels different...not in a bad way, just different.  I wonder if it feels different to Michael too.  Maybe it's just that we're different now.  *shrug*


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