Ah, the ever so elusive "balance." Well, maybe it's not elusive for you, but it certainly had been for me for a little while. Life threw me a curve ball and I felt like I'd been hit in the head with it...no, maybe in the heart. Actually, it felt more like I'd been run over by a steam roller or something. You know how it feels to get the wind knocked out of you? Well, that's kind of how I felt really, but on an emotional level. I was knocked down, in pain, gasping for air and trying to regain equilibrium. And that has taken a little while.
I'm feeling better now. I'm back on my feet again. I can breathe. And even though the Broncos sustained such a crushing defeat on Sunday, I had a good weekend. I enjoyed spending time with my husband. And even though it's only Tuesday, I'm missing him. This is good. What's even better is that he sent me a text to let me know that he'll be home tonight...and...I'm excited! That is very good.
Everything isn't suddenly all better. No, that will take some time. But, feeling better is a good start.
Some things are out of our hands at this point. We've done what we can do and now we wait. It's disconcerting, to say the least. But, I guess it forces us to rely on and trust in God, doesn't it? Yup. And that's not a bad thing.
Other things are in our control. There are changes to be made and we've talked about it and have started working on them. There is trust to be rebuilt and that involves choices and actions over a period of time and that's a work in progress. That's not a bad thing either.
Honestly, I kind of fell apart for a little while. I felt like my whole world was crumbling, like the very ground beneath me was giving way. I felt like I was on the Titanic as it was sinking. I felt like I was being swept up in a tornado. I felt like I was struggling to hold on, but didn't have anything to hold onto. And I don't know if I can really convey to you why that is without going into details that I don't feel are appropriate to share here.
I've had to work through those feelings and the reasons that I felt that way which hasn't been easy. And it's something I'm still working through. But, the sky seems brighter now. I can still see the dark clouds, but they're moving into the distance. I can smile and laugh and snuggle with my husband. I'm feeling much more balanced. And I found something to hold onto after all...hope.