To Write or Not to Write - That is the Question.

I haven’t written much lately. I’ve occasionally opened Word and stared at the blank screen. A few times I’ve started to type, but I haven’t written more than a paragraph before deleting what I’d written. Why? I’m not sure. It’s not that I don’t have anything to write about. I guess I’m just not sure I feel like sharing. Actually, I’m not sure why I’m even here.

Blogland. It’s an interesting place. I’m speaking of the little corner of blogland with blogs about DD/ttwd of course. There are many people here, mostly women. We share about our lives, our relationships, our challenges, our downfalls, our successes, etc. We seek to help and support others and hope for the same in return. I’ve made friends here, some very good friends actually. And yet, lately, I don’t really feel at home. Why is that?

Am I in a writing slump? Have I just needed a break? Is my focus elsewhere? I think the answer is yes, yes and yes.

Michael has said that he misses reading my writing. He says that he learns so much about me and how I see things and feel about things. I talked to him this past weekend about how I’ve been feeling about blogging, that I’m not sure if it’s something I want to do anymore. His response was that he hopes that I continue to write, even if I only share it with him. Hmmm. Okay. The problem with that is, I just don’t feel like writing. Okay, okay, I know, I’m writing now, but this is just me trying to figure this out for myself. If you’ve read this far you must be bored. There’s certainly nothing here of value for anyone else. I’m not sure if there’s even anything of value here for myself!

So, what do I do? Where do I go from here?

I guess I need to figure out if I want to keep blogging. And, if so, I need to figure out what my focus will be. When I started this blog we were just starting our DD/ttwd journey. Everything was new and scary and exciting. I shared in detail about spankings and well, everything really. I wrote daily or almost daily at first. I wrote for a few reasons, to try to wrap my head around all the changes, to get input and support from others, and to share our journey. We’re in a vastly different place more than two years later and I’m not sure at this point what to write about. I don’t really feel the need to write detailed posts about spankings (sorry to those of you who have enjoyed those posts). The changes aren’t happening so fast and furious anymore. I’m not often blindsided by something Michael says or does or by how I feel or react. And when I need to wrap my head around something I generally do it by talking about it with Michael. Our communication has really improved over the last couple of years. I do still appreciate input and support, and I'm glad if anything I've written has helped someone else, but to be honest, I just don’t always feel like sharing these days. It’s kind of like the difference between just enjoying the falling snow as it happens versus grabbing a camera and making sure to get some pictures of it. I’ve been just enjoying life, taking it in, reveling in the moments. I haven’t felt the need to grab the camera…or in this case, write.

Well, I’m not sure if this was a helpful endeavor or not. I’m going to try writing daily, though I have no idea if I’ll just delete it all, much less if any of it will get posted here. I was reading up on techniques for writer’s block and that was one of the tips, writing daily, even if it is all just crap. Maybe I’m just stuck in a rut of not writing. Maybe there’s more to it. I really don’t know at this point.

Anyway, if you’re still reading, please know that I appreciate it and that I hope to have something more interesting and positive to post soon.

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