The Game Plan

Weeks went by without reconnection, the distance ever growing. And then finally last weekend, we broke through that barrier. I needed, we needed, to make sure the physical separation this week didn’t result in that kind of emotional distance again. And so we talked about it a bit and came up with a game plan.

Part of the problem in past weeks was that we’d both been quite busy and we hadn’t been reaching out to one another as much as usual. We were essentially both on our own for the week. And that made coming together again on the weekend more difficult. Add in all the stuff we’ve had going on and some stressors and we had ended up in a not so good place. Oh, we weren’t fighting really, we just weren’t close either. So, this week, we have worked much harder at keeping in touch…emails, text messages, phone calls, sharing something cute or sweet on each others Facebook wall, etc.

Another issue was that I hadn’t really been feeling Michael’s presence, his dominance, during the week. The rules I have right now are things that I’m not really struggling with, which is a good thing, but it also means that they’ve become habit rather than something I have to make a conscious effort to accomplish. And that means I don’t necessarily even think of him when I do them anymore. I mean, it’s a good thing that they’ve become habit, but it doesn’t help as far as me feeling that connection with Michael anymore…if that makes sense. And so, we discussed submission exercises.

There was a time when he would give me something to do during the week, it could be anything really, but the purpose of giving me the task was for me to do it out of submission to him. But, it had been awhile since he’d asked anything of me. And so we talked about it. I even got brave and suggested that I was ready for some things that would push me out of my comfort zone more; if that was a direction he wanted to take. I know that he’s been thinking about it. And I was really missing him and needing some sort of connection, something more, last night and so he gave me a task. It was a little thing and not something that pushed me out of my comfort zone. But, it did the trick and I felt much better, much closer to him, loved, thought about, cared for, etc.

You see, the submission exercises are good for both of us, I think. It keeps us both feeling our respective roles. It keeps us both in the right mindset. And that helps us both not only while he’s gone, but also when he comes back home again. We have so little time together each week that its much nicer if we don’t have to spend time tearing down walls that have built up while we were apart.

It’s a work in progress, that’s for sure. But, this week has gone smoother. It’s easy to get comfortable and complacent or let the busyness of life take over, but that never leads to a good place for our relationship. Realistically, yes there are times when ttwd has to take a back seat, but it’s not something that totally goes away. It’s always there, even if it is more in the background.  It's just that right now I'm ready for it to come back into the forefront more and I think Michael agrees.  Hopefully our new game plan will help.

So, I’m curious, if/when you and your spouse/significant other spend time apart, what do you do to keep the emotional distance from creeping in?

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