Spinning Out of Control
Have you ever tried to spin plates? I haven't, not literal plates anyway. But if you look at those plates as, say, emotions, then I'm guilty. The other night I had several plates spinning at once and I was trying my best to keep them all going. I tried so hard not to let any of them get out of control. It was going alright until one of the plates started to fall and in trying to save that plate I knocked down another plate and then that plate hit the plate next to it and pretty soon all the plates were spinning out of control and crashing to the floor, breaking into a million pieces...or maybe it was me that broke into a million pieces. Michael was there, picking up the pieces and putting me back together, as he always does. He's pretty amazing, that man of mine. He even made me laugh, in the midst of my tears, with this spinning plate analogy.
The thing is, my poor unsuspecting husband didn't even know that I was spinning plates, or that I was struggling to keep them in place, much less that I was about to lose control over them. He didn't know what was going on until it all came to a tumultuous end. Instead of admitting there was something wrong, instead of asking for his help I tried to keep those plates spinning all on my own. I tried to handle it myself. And I purposely tried to keep it from him. Why did I turn away from him instead of turning to him?
I guess in regard to this recent incident it was partly due to the lack of opportunity to share it with him privately. But it was also because I didn't think it was right to burden him with it. There were emotions involved that seemed irrational and yet I was struggling to move past them. I had expectations that hadn't been met, but I realized that they were probably unrealistic expectations. I didn't want him to feel hurt by how I was feeling, when I didn't think I should be feeling that way, when he had done all that he could under the circumstances. And so, I tried so hard to handle it on my own, to keep all those plates spinning and pretend like everything was just fine, because that's how I thought I should feel, even if I really didn't feel that way.
In the end, I was the one who crashed to the floor and it was my husband who came to my rescue. He truly is my knight in shining armor and I don't know what I'd do without him. Now, if only I can remember that when I start spinning those plates again and choose to clue him in and ask for his help instead of trying to handle it on my own and keep it from him.
In case you've never seen anyone spin plates, check out this video. It's quite the comedy routine and he doesn't seem to be doing any better keeping those plates from spinning out of control than I do! lol