So, it's Saturday

This is a follow-up post for anyone who’s wondering how the phone call went last night. (if you don’t know what I’m talking about, see yesterday’s post) Well, before Michael called I emailed him the link to my post (So, it’s Friday) with the subject of the email being: please read before calling. He read it and sent me an email: Yes, you girls are complicated creatures, but it doesn't change how much I love you! I’m not happy about what I read but I'm not surprised. That's why I didn't tell you earlier that I was working tomorrow. I'm not happy about working either. I'll call in a few minutes. I love you!

So, it was out in the open. But I still wasn’t sure how the phone conversation would go. When he called I handed the phone off to the kids before talking to him myself. First we talked about how each of our days had gone. He was telling me about work. I was filling him in on my follow-up appointment and how that went. Thankfully I’m healing well, it’s just taking longer than I’d like, but no one has ever said that patience was my strong point. Then we talked about the weekend a bit and what was on the agenda. And then it was time to talk about how I was feeling. I sort of skimmed over it, not really letting myself delve into my emotions. I did have a bit of a wall up. I wasn’t my soft self. I was more in the mode of having to be fine, despite how I really felt. He knew already how I really was feeling and he didn’t pressure me to go there, thankfully. Was the situation ideal? No, but it was still better than it has been at times in the past. I didn’t want to talk about it, but I wasn’t totally keeping him out because I’d filled him in with my blog post.

There weren’t any tears in my pillow after we got off the phone. Instead I let out a big sigh and I sent him a text.

(I have no idea why the screen shots came out different sizes, but whatever.)

Then when I woke up this morning I was greeted by this text...

Am I missing him today?  Yup.  But, I know that he loves me and I know that if circumstances were different that he'd be home.  And I know that I'll see him later and that we'll make the most of our weekend together, even if it will be shorter than either of us would prefer.

Will he have to break down any walls when he gets home?  I honestly don't know.  I hope not, but most of the time I don't consciously build those walls.  They're more of a built in defense mechanism.  But, I'm not as quick to start building these days and my walls tend to be less fortified and more easily taken down.  And he's learned that the walls are only there because I'm feeling hurt or scared or sad or whatever and that the me hiding behind them wants him in there with me more than anything.  And so, if I have walls up when he comes home, he'll just set to work in tearing them down, and I'll let him.

Oh, and in case anyone is wondering, I will share a SWAT post later today too.


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