Here and Now

It wasn’t all that long ago that I had reached an emotional low. It was a scary place and one I don’t want to return to ever again.

Just recently I went through a procedure that I’d known I needed for awhile, but I’d been unable to face it. I think, in part, I was able to finally go through with it because I knew Michael would be by my side.

You see, he not only stood by me as I walked through that place of darkness not all that long ago, but he pulled me back from the edge and then continued to guide me back toward safety.

Sometimes I think we have to reach a low in order to truly start turning things around. And once I was on more steady ground and Michael and I talked about what had happened and why, and dealt with our feelings about the whole thing, well, things just keep getting better. Michael and I are in a very stable place right now. He’s more confident in his role in our relationship and I’m more confident in mine. Do we both fall short sometimes? Well yeah, that’s part of being human. But, it doesn’t feel like the end of the world, it’s more of a blip on the radar screen.

It’s been over a year and a half since we incorporated ttwd into our relationship…or perhaps I should say, since we started incorporating it. We added a little bit here and then a little more there and over time it’s permeated more and more of who we are, who this “us” is and what that represents, who we both are as individuals and especially as a couple. It has so little to do with spanking it’s not even funny, and yet, spanking is an integral part, at least for us. I suppose to some of you that may not make any sense.

Most of all I’m just feeling thankful…for my husband, for the transformation that we’ve been making in ourselves and in our marriage using ttwd…for you, my friends in blogland, who I’ve learned from and laughed with…and of course for all the blessings in my life. I’m happier these days. Oh yeah, I still get out of sync sometimes, convinced that something is way more important than it actually is or resorting to old habits of wall building or some such thing. But overall I’m just so much more content. I can enjoy my life more…my husband, my kids, my family and friends, everything.

I haven’t had a lot to say lately. And I don’t really feel like I have much to say today either. I’m feeling reflective I guess. It feels like a time of change to me, of embracing new things and letting go of some of the old…maybe it’s the haircut. lol No, the haircut is just a sign of the times. Michael and I have been working hard on ourselves in order to be a better us. There’s still plenty of work to do, but I feel like we’ve accomplished some of our goals. And that feels good. I’m sure there are challenges for us to face around the corner, but sometimes it’s good to stop and enjoy the here and now for a little bit too.


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