Fessing Up

Note: I wrote this almost two weeks ago. It's been sitting in a folder on my computer.  I hadn't posted it, but I hadn't deleted it either.  And I certainly hadn't shared it with Michael.  But, for some reason I've decided to post it today. Actually, I blame Hez  for my stupidity  for inspiring me.

One of my rules is that I'm supposed to drink a certain amount of water a day. Another rule I have is to exercise a certain number of times a week. The thing is, these rules really are more like guidelines. They're not set in stone, do it or else type rules, no matter what Michael may say. Why do I say that? Well, because he's never, ever punished me for not following through.

On the one hand I appreciate him being understanding and lenient. On the other hand, knowing that I can essentially get away with not complying is sometimes less than motivating. Don't get me wrong. I want to make these healthy, consistent habits. But the reason that I asked him to help me to begin with is because I was having trouble following through on my own.

Sometimes just the fact that I don't want to disappoint him is motivation enough. But sometimes, when I just plain don't feel like it, and I know there won't be consequences, well, sometimes I just brush it off. I know. I know. That's not the right attitude. But I should be able to do it without his help to begin with, right?

I know Michael doesn't want to micromanage me and I don't want that either. These two rules are in place because I asked him for help and he agreed to help me. But, the thing is, I don't feel like it’s helping much at this point.

I'm not sure what to do, if I should say anything to him or not. Is the issue that he's not following through when I don't abide by the rules? Or is the issue that I need to get my head on straight, change my attitude, and follow through regardless? Maybe it's a bit of both?

Since you're reading this, that means that I posted it, which means that the cat is out of the bag. Michael will read this, if he hasn't already. So I guess I just fessed up.

I imagine he's not going to be pleased. He'll probably be disappointed. And that makes me sad. But I think he needs to know so he can address it. That makes me a bit nervous. I mean, I don't know how he'll react, what he'll decide to do, how he'll address it. But, I do know that ouchy options are always on the table.

Wish me luck!


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