Thoughts on Trust

To be honest, all I really want to do in this post is share an article with you.  I hope that you'll read it as it had a big impact on me.  Are you ready?  Here it is: Trusting God to Guide My Husband Through the Storm

What I really don't want to do in this post is share why I'm thinking and reading about trust.  But, I think it will do me some good to share and maybe someone who reads this will be able to relate.
  
Once upon a time, early on in our relationship, I trusted my husband. Over time that trust was chipped away.  And part of our journey with ttwd has been rebuilding that trust, not only my trust in him, but his in me as well.  I can't really speak too much to that latter aspect though. Sometimes I wish Michael would blog and share his feelings about these things, but I honestly don't see that happening.

I've had to learn to trust Michael with my feelings again.  I've had to learn how to trust him with my vulnerability.  He can hurt me so easily now that those walls are down.  It's still a process, something I'm working on.  Sometimes I do so well with trusting him and being open and vulnerable, but other times I reach for those familiar building blocks and start using them to build walls again.

I'm learning to trust Michael to lead our family.  I've done that in the past, but not consistently.  I can think of many times when I've seized control back or never really trusted him enough to give it to him to begin with.  It's hard to do sometimes, but it feels good when I can give my need for control up and truly put my trust in him.

It's hardest for me to trust when it comes to issues that he's proved untrustworthy with in the past.  Emotions often quickly come to the surface when confronted by a challenge in one of these areas.  And I tend to judge him based on past behavior rather than giving him the benefit of the doubt.  If I don't give him a chance to change, how can he change?  How do I feel when the tables are turned and he judges me based on past behavior and/or actions?  It doesn't feel good, that's for sure.

In the beginning of our journey with ttwd I think my biggest hurdle was respect.  I think I've grown a lot in that area and hopefully Michael agrees.  It's not that I don't need to work on respect anymore.  It's not like I've gotten that down and can move on. It's still an area that I fall short in at times, an area that still needs work.  But, I think the biggest hurdle for me right now is trust.  

I trust Michael with my life and yet, do I trust him in all the areas, little and big, that compose our lives together?  Honestly?  No.  Part of that has to do with him showing me that he's trustworthy, I think.  But, another part is me allowing him to do so, not rushing to judgement before he's even had a chance to show me if he's trustworthy or not.

It seems I'm not the only one in this little corner of blogland thinking about trust lately.  Lucy shared a post on the topic recently as well.  I really love the picture that she's using in her mind to envision what this trust thing is all about.

I'm quite curious if trust has been a big hurdle for others in their relationship as well, and in particular how the introduction and progression of ttwd has changed or challenged you in this area.

Note: If you'd like to read more by Carol Flett (the author of the article above), there is a list of her other articles on that website toward the bottom of the page. She also has a blog: God Leads Us Along

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