Nervous, Anxious, Excited

Having complete privacy to enjoy some play time with my husband is something that’s hard to come by with two kids in the house. Oh, we find the time and opportunities to connect intimately and dance our dance. But, to really get our kinky on, well, the kids need to be elsewhere. 

And that’s why I’m feeling nervous, anxious and excited. Tonight the kids are spending the night at their grandparents. Michael and I are going out to dinner with some friends. And then, we’re returning home to have some fun.

I’m really looking forward to it. But, I’m also trying not to build it up too much in my head…which I have to tell you is easier said than done. Michael is working today and won’t be home until mid afternoon-ish. He got up early this morning and I’m afraid he’s going to be tired by the time we get home tonight. He’s told me not to worry about it, but I’m afraid if I have too much anticipation built up and then things don’t go as planned, I’ll be really disappointed and end up ruining our time together.

Yes, that has happened before when I’ve had expectations that were unmet. Too often I have built something up in my head and then when it didn’t pan out, well, cue the meltdown. I know, I sound like a spoiled child. I didn’t say I was proud of it.

Anyway, I’m trying to lower my expectations so that I’m happily surprised if things go well and not too disappointed if Michael and I come home after dinner and he promptly falls asleep. I’m also reminding myself that even if that does happen, we still have Sunday (at least before we pick the kids up).

So, I’m excited about tonight. Going out to dinner with friends and no kids is a rare treat. And having the house to ourselves afterwards is as well. But, I admit I’m also feeling a bit nervous, a little anxious. While I enjoy our more intense play, it’s not something we get to indulge in often these days and so it’s been awhile. I wonder what he’ll do or have me do. I want to please him and I don’t want to disappoint him.

Anyway, I’ve decided that I’m not going to let the nerves and anxiety take over, like I have at times in the past. And I’m going to put the kibosh on those expectations. I’m just going to chill. That’s what Michael tells me to do. I can hear his soothing voice in my head saying “Chill mama.” I’m looking forward to spending some time together, whatever that brings, whatever is in store. And I’m going to just follow his lead. :)

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