It's the Little Things: Part II

Okay, so you all left the nicest comments on my last post, but I have to imagine that some of you wondered why I was sharing a post basically bitching about some of the little things my husband does (or doesn’t do) that annoy me.

Well, I will admit that one thing I was doing was venting. I knew it would help to get it out, to tell someone. Bottling things up has been a go to option for me for too long and then I end up exploding at some point about a bunch of silly little things that individually really amount to much ado about nothing.

I also knew my attitude didn’t line up with my goals for this year, particularly appreciating my husband and cultivating a content/thankful/grateful spirit. I mean, why was I really so perturbed by some lint? And so I figured I needed to sort out where those feelings stemmed from if I stood a chance of changing my attitude. Writing often helps me with such endeavors and often so do the comments that I receive.

While writing that post I realized something and some of you reinforced that by mentioning it in your comments. There was a gap in communication. I mean, he knows that some of those things annoy me, but does he understand why? No, probably not. I don’t think I’ve ever shared with him that it makes me feel like he’s being inconsiderate and taking me for granted when he leaves something for me to clean up in his wake. And that I feel condemned when he points out where I've fallen short and he's stepped in and taken care of it.  In thinking about it more I also realized that he probably feels the same way sometimes.

We need to talk obviously, but that probably won’t happen until sometime this weekend. He’s not home and he’s also for the most part incommunicado this week. We can talk on the phone, but he’s unable to receive or send texts or emails or get online at all. This has made me feel funny about publishing blog posts actually, since usually even if I do post them before he’s read them; he reads them a.s.a.p. and gives me some feedback. This week he’s a bit in the dark. That leaves me feeling a little uncomfortable. Granted, there hasn’t been a blog post I’ve written yet that he’s asked me not to post or to remove from my blog. And I can’t even think of a post that he asked me to change at all. Occasionally he’s pointed out that I got a sequence of events slightly wrong or something like that, but that’s about it.

There’s something else I realized too. Too often I’m guilty of pointing out and complaining about the things I don’t like, that annoy or bother me, and not pointing out the things that I appreciate and love about my husband. Some of those things I had stopped seeing really. And now that I’m noticing them again, I need to remember to let him know that I’ve noticed and that I’m appreciative. I also need to pay better attention to the things that I do (or don’t do) that I know annoy him. They may seem small and inconsequential to me, just as I’m sure the crumbs and lint do to him, but if they bother him then I should try my best to change my behavior.

Since incorporating ttwd into our relationship my eyes have been opened to a lot of things, about myself, about my husband and about the two of us as a couple. My heart has also been softened. Tearing down the walls that I’d been protecting myself with and hiding behind when feeling attacked and when attacking has been a process. Sometimes I’m still too quick to start rebuilding them, but I am learning to turn toward my husband instead of always turning away from him like I used to do. I have found that this new found vulnerability does make me more sensitive though and more easily hurt. That’s been an adjustment for him as well, I know.

Anyway, I feel like I’m just kind of babbling on at this point, so I think I’ll stop here. Hopefully this weekend Michael will get a chance to read my blog posts and then we can talk about some things. I’m looking forward to maintenance (mind you, I might not be when the time comes, lol) and some other intimate activities as well. I’m missing my husband, but I’ll see him soon. And I highly doubt my mind will be on dryer lint by that time. ; )


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