No More Spanking?

It’s been a little over a month since the last time I was spanked. You see, the last time Michael spanked me, one of the kids overheard. I freaked out and had a meltdown and withdrew consent. Well, that’s not exactly true, but I did announce that we were NOT doing this anymore! (spanking, that is) I was adamant about it and refused to even discuss it. As you probably already know, and are probably sick of hearing about, we’d already been going through a difficult time and that development didn't help, to say the least.

Fast forward to the weekend after Thanksgiving and we had a really big misunderstanding. There were hurt feelings on both sides and neither of us could see things from the other’s point of view. Things escalated and we didn't sleep in the same bed that night. The next day we worked things out, sort of. But without the structure of DD we were left without a way to really clean the slate and move on and so those hurt feelings lingered for awhile. Honestly, I’m not sure either of us has really fully moved past it yet, though not for lack of trying.

This past weekend was a long weekend for Michael, he had Saturday, Sunday and Monday off. I know these short work weeks affect his paycheck, and obviously not in a good way. Even so, I was glad that he would have the extra time at home because I felt like we needed the time together and I thought that maybe we were ready to reconnect.

The time together was good. Things seemed easier between us and it seemed like we were finding our way back to how things had been. There was even some banter back and forth about spanking. He would say something about spanking me and I would taunt him a bit by saying that I was going to write a blog post called “No More Spanking!” He told me not to count my eggs before they were hatched…or something like that.

He was home Friday night, Saturday night, Sunday night and Monday night. And yet, no spanking. Well, there were a couple of quick swats late last night. I suppose actually it was really very early this morning, but to me it’s still night if it’s dark and I haven’t slept yet. He had told me not to take another step and so I took two more. He pushed me down over the end of the bed and administered a sharp swat to each of my cheeks. Then he pulled me up and took me to bed. It’s funny. I’d been upset before that and unwilling to come to bed, but once he took charge of the situation, of me, I was able to set those feelings aside and snuggle up with my husband and go to sleep.

How much different would the past month have been if we hadn't set DD aside? I don’t know. But I have to imagine it would have been better, that things would have gone smoother. Life has thrown us a lot these last few months, but we had been finding our way through it together. Now it’s quite obvious to both of us that DD is something we both benefit from. I mean, I think we already knew that, but not to the degree that we realize it now. It’s a lot harder for us to maintain the D/s aspect of our dynamic without the structure of DD in place. We were trying, but we both started to stray from our respective roles and that ended up creating distance between us. We were left without a way to really resolve things, clean the slate and move on. Sometimes we found ourselves turning away from each other instead of turning to one another. And it’s been harder to find our way back to where we both want to be, to who we both want to be, without it. 

So, will DD, will spanking, be a part of our dynamic again soon? I guess I can’t really say for sure. It seems like it might be, but that ball is definitely in Michael’s court at this point. I think he wants to embrace it again, but I'm not sure if he's ready yet.  I think I am.


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