That’s how I’ve been feeling lately, Michael too.  It’s not a good feeling and it ended up being a tense and very emotional weekend.  The problem?  Finances.

Last fall we had a big financial blow to try to absorb.  It ate up our savings and we got behind on some bills, but we made it through.  We’d been doing better, getting caught up and setting some money aside.  Unfortunately we’ve had some unexpected expenses combined with a decrease in income and at this point we find ourselves in an even worse situation financially than we were in last fall.

Inside I’m a mess.  I’m trying to be strong and supportive for my husband.  I’m trying to go on as normal as possible for the kids.  And yet I’m almost consumed sometimes with worry and anxiety and fear.  Sometimes I feel like everything is just falling apart, that it’s only a matter of time until it all crumbles around us and we’ll be left staring at a pile of rubble.

I’m worried about my husband.  The level of stress he’s under right now is palpable.  He’s trying to be the puppet master and pull all the right strings at the right time, he’s trying to be a juggler and keep all the balls in the air and not let any of them fall. 

As a Christian I believe that God has a plan for each and every one of us.  And I know that we’re supposed to trust him to lead us through this.  I’m also aware that there are worse things in life than a financial crisis.  Even if we lose our home, we still have each other and that’s far more important. 

There are many good things going on in our lives, but too often lately those things have been overshadowed and I find myself caught up emotionally in the bad stuff.  Maybe God is allowing us to go through this trial to make us focus on what’s really important.  I don’t know.  What I do know is that we will make it through.  It might not be pretty and the picture on the other side may not be what we imagined, but that’s not really what matters.


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