Feeling Inadequate


That’s me.

There are times when I've thought about writing and decided not to, posts I've started to write and then scrapped, and others that I've written and then hesitated before sharing. 

I’ll read someone else’s blog post and feel like I have nothing of value to say or I’ll type out a comment and end up deleting it or I’ll write a longer and more personal comment only to erase it and leave a shorter, less personal comment instead. 

I've been trying to figure out what’s going on with me. 

Do I just not have anything to say? 

Do I feel like I don’t have anything worth saying? 

Life has been busy and stressful lately.  Our daughter is celebrating a BIG birthday and I want it to be perfect.  And you guys already know about the financial stuff.  Also, as I've mentioned before, Michael and I have changed our dynamic up a bit and I’m not sure just how much of that I feel like sharing.  I've also been tired and just not 100% (probably due to stress).

Anyway, back to those two questions... 

Do I just not have anything to say? 

Sometimes, yes. 

Do I feel like I don’t have anything worth saying?

Yup, I’m afraid sometimes that’s true too.

I feel like I should be able to wrap this post up with a pretty little bow at the end, but I’m just not feeling it.  Emotionally I’m at where I’m at right now and where I’m at isn't the best place to be.  I am still mindful of all the things I have to be thankful for, of all the blessings in my life and there are many.  But right now I just feel…I don’t know…just not up for the task at hand.  I feel inadequate, here in blogland, and just in general.
 
I know the devil is whispering lies in my ear and because I’m feeling weak right now I find myself listening.  I know that I will rise above this, but I don’t know when or how.  God has a plan.  God has good things in store for me, for us.  I will try to remember that.  I’ll try to remember that he’s with us in the storms of life, not only when there are calm seas.  I’m struggling right now, but God hasn't deserted me.  And when I don’t see him by my side, it’s probably because he’s carrying me.

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