Titles: Freeing or Restrictive?
Many, perhaps even most of us try to find ways to define our dynamic and our roles within that dynamic. You may embrace the term BDSM to describe your dynamic and you might refer to yourselves as Master and slave. Maybe you prefer just the middle letters, D/s and if so maybe you refer to yourselves as Dom and sub. Or perhaps you identify with the term DD and you refer to yourselves as HOH and submissive. There are many terms we can use to try to define our dynamic (and in some cases, there are even subcategories within a dynamic) and many different titles we can choose to describe our role in that dynamic as well.
But what do these terms, these titles, these definitions do for us? Are they freeing? If we embrace them does that allow us to also embrace ourselves and the dynamic that’s right for us? Do they allow us to feel free to just be ourselves? Or are they restrictive? Do we allow them to make us uncomfortable with stepping out of them and exploring something else? Do they close our minds to other possibilities?
Michael and I have a dynamic that’s not really defined by BDSM, D/s or DD as it’s really a mixture of all of those things. It’s what works for us and often I’ll use the term ttwd as it can encompass exactly what we want it to and doesn't include what we’re not interested in. We also use many names to refer to one another. I’ve called him Master, Sir and Daddy just to name a few. He’s called me his little slave girl, his sweet submissive, little one, babygirl, etc. Mind you, we still also call each other by our names and by terms of endearment such as sweetheart, sweetie, handsome, beautiful, etc.
When I started this blog we had just started to incorporate DD into our relationship and we were very focused on that. As we've gotten more comfortable with DD our focus has started to shift somewhat. That’s not to say that we’ve strayed away from DD. It's still an important part of our dynamic. Overall I think the transition has been good for us though. And it’s taken some of the pressure off of DD and what it “should” be and allowed us more breathing room to really make it our own, what’s right for us and something dynamic, something that changes as our needs and desires change.
Lately we’ve been more focused on the D/s aspect of our relationship. We’ve been exploring a dynamic known as DaddyDom/babygirl or DD/bg. Just in case anyone is totally freaked out now, this is NOT about incest, pedophilia, age play/regression or anything like that! At least it certainly isn’t for us! I’m not looking for Michael to be my father and he’s not looking for me to be his daughter. I know there’s a lot of conflicting information online about this dynamic and more than a few misconceptions…enough that I’ve been hesitant to talk about it. I’ve thought about writing out just what the DD/bg dynamic means to us, but honestly we’re still finding our way, figuring out our comfort zones and defining it for ourselves. I guess you could think of a DaddyDom as somewhere in between an HOH and a Master, and a babygirl as somewhere between a submissive and a slave. Hopefully that very brief explanation isn’t more confusing than it is helpful.
Anyway, I’m curious what you think about titles, definitions, and how you feel they affect you and your dynamic, if at all. Do you find they help you to grow into what you want to become or do you find yourself becoming stagnant because they’re holding you back?
I’m also wondering how open minded you are to dynamics that differ from your own. Though you embrace an alternative lifestyle yourself (and really BDSM, D/s and DD are all considered alternative…even with the popularity of 50 Shades of Gray), are you close minded and fall prey to the stereotypes out there about other dynamics or do you take the time to learn about something before rejecting or shunning it? Remember, just as there are misconceptions about the dynamic that you’ve chosen, so are there about others. That’s not to say that you should be prepared to embrace any and all dynamics. We all have our own comfort zones and are free to find and embrace what works for us. I just think it's important not to reject something out of hand without even really having an understanding of what it is, what’s involved, what it really means to someone else. I'm sure we all appreciate that courtesy from others, at least I know I do, and so I try to be open minded as well.