Nervous


I haven’t had a punishment spanking in awhile.  I’m not even sure when the last time was that I was bent over the corner of the bed and Michael used the wooden hairbrush on my bottom, with no warm up at all, and then I had to stand in the corner afterward.  There have been things he’s decided to address with some harder swats as an addition to maintenance, but a completely separate punishment session hasn’t happened recently.  That’s about to change.  And I’m nervous.

Thursday Michael arrived home late in the afternoon.  He had made sure he could be here to take our son to soccer practice and have a father/son night while our daughter and I were at a concert, having a mother/daughter night.  All day I’d been stressed and worried that he wouldn’t make it home in time.  I did have a backup plan, but it involved inconveniencing others, which is something I didn’t want to do, something I try to avoid doing.  I was relieved that Michael made it home in time, but the stress that had built up over the course of the day came out as a bad attitude directed toward him.  I tried to tell him, show him, that I was thankful, grateful, but then that attitude would rear its ugly head again. 

You see, I’m the kind of person who likes to make plans and I don’t always respond well if the plans are tenuous or if they get changed or keep changing.  I’m better about it than I used to be, but it’s something I still struggle with sometimes.  Michael is much more a go with the flow kind of guy and though he tries to tell me not to stress, I often end up doing just that.  Sometimes I just won’t let myself trust him.  I know he means well, but things don’t always pan out the way he’s planned on.  Sometimes he really has no control over it and other times…well, we all make mistakes, slip up, or miscalculate from time to time, right?  A case in point is that he was planning to be home Friday night.

I so wish I had made it home.  I had plans for your bottom tonight baby girl.  I miss you in my hands, over my leg, under me, surrounding me, receiving me...

Oh...now that...that sounds...absolutely delicious!
Daddy, am I in trouble because of yesterday?

Yes, I don't want that attitude to reappear anytime soon.

Yes, Sir.  I'm sorry.  But, I can't wait to see you and spend the long weekend with you!

Ditto!

And so, I know that a punishment awaits me.  He told me as much on Thursday before I left for the concert, but I guess I was hoping that a little time would soften his resolve a bit.  I guess not.  I can’t argue with him.  I know it’s deserved.  If I try to get out of it then all I’m doing is trying to undermine him and ttwd.  This is what I agreed to, what I asked for actually, accountability.  *sigh*  And so, I’m going to try not to think about it, try not to worry about it.  But, if I know what’s good for me, I’ll be mindful of my attitude because I certainly don’t want to be in more trouble than I’m already in!

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