When Emotions Run Wild

It was a messy weekend.  I was all over the place emotionally speaking and ended up having a major meltdown.  It had been coming.  It wasn’t just about this weekend.  There’s been some pretty stressful stuff to deal with and we haven’t been there for one another, not really.  For my part, I’d been trying to be strong and self reliant.  I hadn’t felt like I could lean on Michael.  Physically he wasn’t here and emotionally he had seemed…unavailable.  Perhaps that was more my perception than reality, I don’t know.  We found ourselves at odds on more than one occasion.  We had each taken the stress upon ourselves and we were both trying to deal with it on our own, in our own ways.  We weren’t working together as a team.  We weren't supporting one another.  And so we ended up taking it out on one another instead.

Michael and I had both been falling back into bad habits.  Neither one of us had been handling things, ourselves or our reactions to one another very well.  We were just trying to just get through it all.  But, that doesn't cut it anymore.  It might have been the status quo before, but that's just not good enough now.  We ended up traveling through some very turbulent seas this weekend and at times it seemed like the boat would surely sink.  Sometimes it seemed like an impossible situation, hopeless even.  But, somehow we managed to work together enough that we stayed afloat.

I have a tendency to suppress feelings.  Eventually either I will have built quite a foreboding fortress around myself for protection and to hold those feelings in or I will explode, not being able to (or perhaps not being willing to) push the feelings down or aside any longer.  This weekend both of those responses came into play.

In the end, I completely broke down.  Michael tore down the walls I’d built and I allowed him to do so.  I was a crying, blubbering mess as he held me close and comforted me, allowing me and encouraging me to just let it all out.  When I started to calm down I felt emotionally drained.  I imagine he was feeling similarly.  But there was something more we both wanted, something more we both needed.  We needed to reconnect and we needed closure to be able to move on.  I imagine we could’ve opted to utilize spanking, but that’s not the direction we chose.  Our bodies entwined, we were rewarded with a vibrant rainbow at the end of a thunderstorm.


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