I’ve been on the verge of tears all morning. Michael just called to check on me and a few ended up spilling over, but I think I managed to keep him from knowing that. He does know I’m upset, that I’m feeling down.
We got a letter in the mail a couple of days ago. It was addressed to Michael and I had to sign for it. The news it held wasn’t good. It was financial in nature.
When we first got married we each had our own accounts. We divided up expenses and were each responsible for certain things. I managed my accounts and my share of the expenses and he managed his accounts and his share of the expenses. After awhile we decided to merge our accounts, but we found that managing them together wasn’t working well. As such, I took over our finances and managed them for many years. But then I started having some health problems and handling the finances was a source of stress for me at that point and so Michael took them over and he’s been managing them ever since. He’s had missteps here and there, but the letter that came told of a major oversight, one that would affect our whole family if not dealt with properly and immediately.
The good news is that Michael handled it and it’s been resolved without too much damage having been done. But my trust has been broken. That letter scared me and upset me and I’m still reeling from it, even though I know it’s been dealt with. Michael feels just awful about the whole thing and is being pretty hard on himself right now. I’ve been trying to assure him that I still love him very much, but I’m not going to try to make him feel better about what happened because it never should have happened to begin with. It was a major lapse on his part and I’m hoping that it will serve as a wake up call.
I’m feeling rather lost today. The house is way too quiet because the kids are camping with their grandparents right now. I was going to get together with a friend yesterday, have lunch, get pedicures done, do a bit of shopping, but the financial issue was still looming at that point and I didn’t really want to spend any money unnecessarily, so I canceled. I was hoping that Michael would have tomorrow off and we’d go up to the camp where the kids are and have a nice family day on the lake, but he has to work. And today I was thinking about getting my hair cut and shopping for a new outfit for a party we’re attending on Sunday, but at this point all I feel like doing is curling up in a ball and hiding from the world. By the way, have I mentioned that it’s also *that* time of the month for me right now? Yeah, that’s not helping either.
It’s been a rough week and I think, given the circumstances, I’ve managed things, managed myself, pretty well. But today it’s all just ganging up on me, it’s weighing me down, and I haven’t figured out yet how to crawl out from under it and seek the light that I know is there if I only look for it. Maybe I should go get my hair done and go shopping for a new outfit, perhaps that would brighten my mood or perhaps I’ll stay home and immerse myself in my nook and escape into a book.
Anyway, I’m sorry this post is such a downer, but I appreciate you reading, especially if you’ve actually made it through this far. And I hope that you have a wonderful weekend!