Growth


I was bummed.  Michael had to work Saturday.  So, I went up to the camp the kids were at with their grandparents on my own.  Our daughter wanted to come home with me, but our son wanted to stay, so he’s coming home with my in-laws today.

A nice surprise, Michael was waiting at home when I arrived early Saturday evening.  He had said he might beat me home, but I’ve learned over the years to pad his time a bit.  For instance, if he says he’ll be home by 6 I tell myself that hopefully he’ll be home by 8.  I’d much rather be surprised by him arriving early or on time than be upset that he’s running behind.  Somehow he always seems to know what time it is without looking at a clock, or pretty close to it, but that doesn’t seem to keep him from being late.  I don’t understand it, but it’s always been that way.

Saturday evening we found a feel good, family friendly movie to watch together (Michael and I and our daughter), Dolphin Tale.  If you have kids or like animals (dolphins in particular) or are just in the mood for a feel good movie, I highly recommend it.  It came out in 2011 and has a good storyline and great cast including Harry Connick, Jr., Morgan Freeman, Ashley Judd, and Kris Kristofferson.

Saturday night it was time for Michael and I to reconnect and move past the things or thing actually, that had come between us during the week.  I had thought that I’d done a good job of keeping the lines of communication open and that I hadn’t put up walls, but that wasn’t entirely true.  I had withdrawn a bit and there was most definitely a big wall up that I was hiding behind.  I didn’t realize the extent of it until Michael tried touching me intimately and I found myself pulling away.  It took awhile, but we worked through it.  I let the emotions out that had built up over the week and he took them head on.  He talked with me about things and apologized and didn’t get upset with me or withdraw himself.  That is big.  It used to be that when I’d be upset with him he’d withdraw and that always made things worse.  I can imagine it’s hard for him to step up instead, but that just what I need him to do.  I need him to be firm and in control, but also loving and not harsh.  He managed all of that quite well. 

Following a lot of talking and some physicality on my part, um, that is, a bit of pushing and the like, there was a bit of spanking.  He held me close and used his hand.  I needed that connection to be there, it wouldn’t have been the same if I’d been bent over the bed and he'd used an implement.  It didn’t last long, but he made sure I felt the swats he did give me, and then we were on to other activities. 

It’s interesting, or at least I find it so…the talking and closeness helped me feel that I was in a safe place, safe enough for me to act out a bit, to let those emotions out.  And the wall that I’d put up started to come down.  Then the spanking broke through a bit more of the wall, with the closeness and physical contact.  And then the lovemaking that followed broke through the last of the wall.  My defenses were down and I wasn’t withholding any of myself from Michael.  That’s always a wonderful feeling, but one that I struggle with achieving sometimes.

Sunday we went to church and afterward our daughter went to a friend’s house.  Michael and I went out to eat.  Have I mentioned before how much I love PF Changs?  Mmmmm, yummy!  A little later we had a party to attend for a friend of ours.  We were all dressed up, chatting with friends, mingling with those we didn’t know, and enjoying some wine and hors d’oeuvres.  We don’t do things like that often and it was nice.  And can I just say, my husband looks fabulous in a suit!  Actually, it was funny, at one point all he had on was his boxers and his suit jacket.  This was at home, not at the party!  Geesh!  lol  Anyway, I just couldn’t take my eyes off him.  Yum!  : )  I’m probably embarrassing him now, but that’s okay.  I know he really liked me in the dress I wore too.  ; )

After the party we picked up our daughter and headed for home.  It was late and there were still a few things to take care of before heading to bed.  By the time we made it upstairs we were both tired.  We’d been looking forward to a bit more, um, frolicking in the bed sheets, but we looked at each other and just laughed.  It just wasn’t happening.  But, we were both happy, we’d reconnected and we’d gotten to spend quite a bit of time together in spite of the fact that Michael had worked Saturday.  We kissed a bit and spoke some words of love and then Michael pulled me close and held me tight, my head on his chest, and we fell asleep together.

All in all, we had a great weekend.  Michael’s hoping to get home sometime during the week, but of course that remains to be seen.  I’m not planning on it, so hopefully if he doesn’t make it home before Friday or Saturday I won’t be too disappointed.  It seems to me that we were able to get past this bump in the road a lot quicker than we would have in the past and without as much collateral damage.  I think we both managed to think of each other and not just how it affected ourselves.  We slowed down and maneuvered around the bump, feeling its affects, but making it a much smoother ride than if we’d just gone at it headlong and careened over it.  And while it still made for a rough week, feeling that growth in ourselves and in one another and therefore in us as a couple feels good.

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