What DD is to me

In my last blog post I posed the question, what is DD and what is it not.  Many of you have left comments or have written blog posts in response and I’ve really enjoyed reading them.  I know some of you are still formulating your response. And I’ve been mulling over my own answer.  (Note: see others responses here: Answers: What is Domestic Discipline)

One thing I do want to be sure to say is that I believe that while there are and should be some underlying similarities and things in common, DD should be customized/personalized to the needs and desires of each couple. DD is not a cookie cutter proposition or it shouldn’t be anyway.

DD stands for domestic discipline and is essentially a relationship dynamic between adult partners, in our case husband and wife. It needs to be mutually agreed on, consent given by both participants. That’s very important. DD that isn’t consensual isn’t DD at all, its abuse.

Domestic can be defined as: of or relating to the running of a home or to family relations

Discipline can be defined as: the practice of training someone to obey rules or a code of behavior, using punishment to correct disobedience

The goal of DD is to create harmony. It helps us to resolve issues, coming together to wipe the slate clean rather than letting things fester. It serves as a framework for interaction that should be built on a foundation of love, support, trust and respect. Communication is also very important. DD helps us work as a team and connect with one another when we may otherwise be tempted to go our own way, do our own thing, distancing ourselves.

In a DD relationship one partner is dominant and the other is submissive to their partner. These are the roles they assume in their relationship with one another and may or may not be personality traits that extend beyond that.

Dominant can be defined as: having or exerting authority or influence

Submissive can be defined as: one who yields to governance or authority

In our relationship Michael is dominant and I’m submissive to him. This does not mean that I’m of any less value than he is or any less important or any other such nonsense. We are equals…but…different.

Equal can be defined as: being the same in quantity, size, degree, or value.

Michael and I are equal in value. We just have different roles in our relationship.

As the dominant partner Michael has authority over me, but he also carries more responsibility on his shoulders. He leads me, watches out for me, loves, cares for, supports and protects me (sometimes from myself, I have to admit). He does so out of love, care and concern and a sense of responsibility. He doesn’t push his agenda on me to satisfy his own whims. He wants the best for me and for us as a couple. Part of this involves creating guidelines (or rules if you prefer) for me to follow and disciplining (or punishing) me if I fail to follow those guidelines. In return I follow his lead, not out of a sense of obligation, but out of love, care and concern and a sense of responsibility. I respect him and his authority over me and want the best for him and for us as a couple.

If you’re curious what led us to this lifestyle, this post will shed some light on that: Relinquishing Control

As far as the act of discipline goes, spanking seems to be the most prevalent form used in DD relationships. However, it’s certainly not the only choice and some DD couples may not use spanking at all. Many couples use things like corner time, writing lines or essays, loss of privileges, etc. either in conjunction with spanking or as alternatives to spanking.

Safety is of paramount importance when administering physical discipline. Some couples decide to have a safe word or words.

A safe word can be defined as: an agreed upon word said by the submissive partner that is code for stop, it’s often something unusual to say in such a situation so that there’s no room for misunderstanding

Michael and I do have a safe word. I’ve never had to use it, but I’m glad it’s there. I do have some medical issues and if I ever was in distress I could simply say that word and he’d know to stop immediately and check to see what’s wrong. Some couples choose more than one safe word, one meaning slow down or that a break is needed and the other meaning that something is seriously wrong (medically or otherwise) and the dominant partner needs to stop immediately. I believe safe words originated in BDSM circles, but they can have a place in a DD relationship as well.

Something DD should never be is abusive. While I imagine that there are some instances where abuse is taking place under the guise of DD, I don’t believe that’s the case generally speaking…or at least I certainly hope not! If you’re unsure about the distinction between DD and abuse, please check out this article: DD vs. Abuse – A Comparison.

I imagine I’ve left some things out and I’m sure I could say more. After all, if you’ve read here for very long you already know that I can be terribly verbose. lol But, I think I’m going to leave well enough alone. My definition is imperfect I’m sure, but then, so am I. : )

I want to thank everyone who has already shared their opinion/viewpoint/definition and those who are working on theirs yet and will be sharing soon! I’ve really enjoyed reading everyone’s comments and posts and am looking forward to reading more. Soon I’ll be compiling all the comments and blog links into another post and then putting a link to it in the FYI section on the sidebar of my blog. So, if you have something you’d like to say, but haven’t shared it yet, please do so in a comment or blog post. And if you’ve already shared it in a blog post and you haven’t shared the link with me, please do so. I want to be sure that no one is left out who wishes to participate!


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