Slippery Slope


I find myself on a slippery slope.  I’m talking about things like having a disrespectful attitude, not even thinking to get Michael’s approval before posting my last blog post where I talked about our children (ooops!), not making sure our son had sunscreen on which resulted in him getting a sunburn (which I feel really bad about and is something that’s a BIG deal to Michael), etc. 

The truth is I’ve been feeling quite autonomous lately.  When I admitted that to Michael he seemed surprised and not particularly pleased.  After all, he did a pretty good job of making me feel owned last weekend.  I’m not sure if it could at least partly be because I’m feeling better about things between us or if it’s because things have been stressful and my focus has been elsewhere most of the week or what.  Actually, I find myself wondering if it’s at least partly because things have been pretty lax as far as the “rules” go lately.  Lately?  Well, since, um, well, for awhile now really.  Since before my parents and nephew visited in early June anyway.  I don’t know what to think about that though.  I mean, I was thinking that perhaps we were just moving into a bit of a new dynamic.  You know, where it was more about the overall attitude, behavior, and respect than about specific rules.

Things like my daily/weekly schedule and to do list, bedtime, exercise, water consumption, etc. used to have rules attached to them.  Perhaps they still do?  But, what good is a rule that’s not enforced, a rule without consequences when broken?  I know, I know, I should be following through regardless, but it just hasn’t been happening.  We’ve actually talked about this a little and yet, I’ve still been lax.  Something new we discussed was having a weekly accountability discussion.  It’s to occur right before our weekly maintenance session.  That way if there’s anything that needs to be addressed, it will be addressed then.  We just talked about this last weekend though, so it’s not something that’s happened yet.  Will it happen?  I don’t know.  I’m very tempted not to mention it and just wait and see if he remembers and follows through or not.  That’s not really the right attitude though, is it?  I don’t know.  I suppose not.

I have a feeling that we will be having a discussion this weekend…oh I mean the talking kind…but, probably followed by the other kind.  I think we’ve both become a bit complacent in some ways.  I guess I don’t really know how Michael feels about it at this point though.  Well, actually, I know how he feels about the disrespect, lack of approval before posting a blog post with information about our kids in it, and the sunscreen/sunburn incident.  :(  But, I don’t really know how he feels about the other stuff.  I imagine I’ll find out sometime this weekend.  Wish me luck!

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