What You Don't Know

…is that the post I shared yesterday was actually written Saturday morning.  And one of the things on the list of what’s not happening, happened Saturday night.  Unfortunately it wasn’t date night, it was punishment.  So, I guess I can check that one off the list, huh?  *sigh*

Michael hadn’t even read the post yet, but I had myself all wound up and I was acting out.  Oh, it wasn’t a constant thing on Saturday.  I’d push his buttons and then regret it, feel badly and apologize.  Then things would be good for a little while.  And then I’d push his buttons again and then regret it, feel badly and apologize.  And on it went Saturday.  I wasn’t myself, that’s for sure.  And I’m still not really sure what was going on, other than I clearly needed some attention from him when he got home instead of it being delayed.  I don’t think that was the only factor though, but I guess I’m still processing it.

When Michael first saw yesterday’s blog post he really only had time to skim it.  He sent me a short email.

I think we need to talk. 

That phrase has a way of making my heart skip a beat.  It makes me nervous, even if I also think we need to talk.  I guess part of it that I’m never quite sure if he means actual talking or talk as in, well, you know.  Later on, after he had a chance to actually read the blog post he sent me another email.

Some things definitely have slipped through the cracks. Your list and bed time/wake up time are at the top of the list. I am proud to say that you really haven't needed a punishment, just some redirection.  We'll work on the reconnects when I get home.  If you can, you should be exercising.  And we need to work together to get in a date night at least once a quarter. I love you!

Honestly, his reply left me a little perplexed.  While I’m glad that he felt I didn’t need any punishment for awhile, that was a punishment Saturday night, wasn’t it?  I’m happy that he wants to work on reconnects when he gets home and on getting some date nights in.  I’m not so sure how I feel about my list and bedtime/wake up time being at the top of the list.  Does this mean that he feels these are still important and he wants to get back in the swing of things?  I guess I was kind of hoping these were things we’d moved past and that he just felt they weren’t needed anymore.  As for the exercise, yes, I know I should be exercising and I need to work on that…or…just do it, as the case may be.

I find myself wondering if we’ll actually talk about these things or not.  I hope so…that is, if talk really means talk and isn’t code for something else.

I wrote the first part of this post yesterday and emailed it to Michael.  He sent me an email after he read it that cleared things up a bit for me.  First I found out what he meant by talk…

"Talk" does have two meanings doesn't it?  I mean to talk with you, then TALK with you if needed.

And then we discussed the spanking he gave me Saturday evening…

                I think you really needed a forgiveness/stress reliever. It worked though. 

                So that wasn't really a punishment?  Sorry, I'm just confused. 

Truth be told it was probably several types wrapped up into one.  I think this happens a lot, it makes it hard to define what type it is. 

And I found out how he feels about my schedule/to do list and bedtime…

We don't need to go back to the schedule and bed/wake up times, just be aware that I'm aware and watching. They are important.

So, while we still need to talk (hopefully not TALK), at least I have a better idea of where he stands on these things, how he feels.

Often Michael now texts me before he goes to sleep, even though we talk every night.  It tends to be short and sweet and it sort of makes me feel as if I’ve been embraced in a hug.  It gives me the warm fuzzies.  Anyway, I just thought it would be fun to share part of our text conversation last night.


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