What's Not Happening



Usually I'm telling you all about what’s happened or is happening in my life.  But today I want to share with you what's not happening, what hasn’t been happening, what seems to have perhaps gone by the wayside or slipped through the cracks.

Bedtime…
I used to have to be in bed by a certain time Monday-Thursday.  This rule was put in place because I was staying up way too late and then sleeping in late the next morning, and I wasn’t doing anything to rectify the problem myself.  I do tend to be a night person, and I’m certainly not a morning person.  But, it was getting a bit carried away.  I mean, yes, since we homeschool, the kids can do their schoolwork any time of the day.  But, it’s best to start early and get done early; it just seems to go smoother.  I'm not really sure exactly when this ceased to be a rule, but, if I recall correctly, we had a conversation about it and Michael agreed to let this rule go, as long as I manage to get up at a good time each morning.  Mind you, its summer now, so all bets are off…right?  *fingers crossed* 

Daily Schedule & To Do List...
I used to have to keep track of what I accomplished throughout the day, with some goals in mind.  I actually made up both the schedule and the to do list for myself, to help get back on track with things I’d been letting slide a bit too much.  But, as seems to happen, Michael decided that he was going to oversee it.  And so I used to have to email Michael daily to let him know how my day went and what I accomplished.  I think it helped him feel like he was more in the loop, since he’s gone so much.  But, at this point I don't even know when I last looked at either my daily schedule or my to do list, much less emailed him in reference to either.

Punishment…
While I’d like to say that I haven’t been punished in awhile, I’m not sure that’s exactly true.  However, it has been quite awhile since I’ve been bent over the bed and paddled with the wooden hairbrush.  That used to be how I was punished.  There would be no warm up and I had to assume a certain position, basically lying over the corner of the bed, and Michael would use the hairbrush.  There would also likely be a lecture involved at some point and corner time afterward.  But, I don’t remember the last time he did any of that.  However, there have been a couple of spankings that certainly felt like they might be punishments or at least they were delivered in a way that it was quite clear he had a point he was determined to get across.  Perhaps they weren’t exactly punishment spankings?   I’m not sure.  There used to be a clear delineation between punishment spankings and other types of spankings, but I don’t know if that’s still the case or not.  Mind you, I’m not actually complaining about the wooden hairbrush not making an appearance for awhile.  I guess I’m just wondering if there’s been a change to the way punishment is delivered or if it’s something that’s gone by the wayside or if I’ve just been well enough behaved that he hasn’t seen the need for punishment.

Reconnects…
No, I don’t mean the spanking kind.  What I mean is that when Michael came home, he’d be greeted by the kids and the dogs and after a few minutes of the hugs and excitement that daddy was home, he and I would go up to our bedroom.  We’d spend around 15 minutes or so reconnecting.  No, he didn’t spank me, well, perhaps a swat or two, usually playful with perhaps some overtones of what was to come later, but more than anything this time was for us to connect emotionally.  It was also a time to reinforce the dynamic between us and make sure we were on the same page.  It can be hard to come back together after a week spent apart, each of us handling our own stuff, and sometimes not getting to talk as much as we’d like or needed to during the week.  And if we don’t take this time when he first gets home, well, we often don’t really come together until after the kids are in bed.  I realize that for a couple of weeks he was around a lot more and so we didn’t really need this.  But, now that things are back to normal, I miss it.  It really helps me to get in the right mindset and know that he’s missed me and can’t wait to spend some time with me.  And when it doesn’t happen and he gets involved with projects or the kids or whatever, well, it can make me feel brushed aside.  I wonder if I was looking forward to seeing him a lot more than he was looking forward to seeing me.  I know that’s not the case, but sometimes it’s what it feels like.

Exercise…
I had hurt my foot and was trying to exercise anyway, which of course was just making it worse.  So, Michael basically forbid me from exercising.  A few weeks ago it was a lot better and I asked if I could try a little exercise again.  He agreed, with some stipulations in place so that I wouldn’t overdo it.  Then my parents and nephew came to visit and we went places and did things together.  My foot held up pretty well really, which is good, because I wasn’t going to let it stop me from enjoying that time with my family.  It’s been over a week since they left now though and I haven’t exercised a bit.  Okay, that’s not entirely true, but I haven’t done much.  I did swim in the pool the other day, instead of just floating around on a pool float.  I need to do that more.  I do like to swim.  The treadmill, well, I don’t really feel like getting on it right now.  What I really need to do is start going to Zumba again, but I keep putting it off.  I’m not sure how Michael feels about it.  He hasn’t said anything.  I think he’s just been worried about me overdoing it and not worried about me doing what I can.  I could probably use some motivation, but I’m not sure I want to tell him that.

Date nights…                      
Okay, I probably shouldn’t even include this since it’s been years since we managed to have regular or even semi-regular date nights.  I don’t know how many times Michael has said he’d take me out to dinner and a movie and it hasn’t happened.  I’m not putting it all on him though, it’s just that such things take time and money and we tend to put our focus on spending both on the family before on the two of us.  And so, often it just doesn’t happen.  We had talked about having a date night this past Saturday night.  But then Michael didn’t even get home until almost 2pm and we decided to stay home and watch a movie with the kids instead.  And Sunday was filled with church and a BBQ with friends.  Could we have had a date night this weekend?  Yes.  But, we put family time and time with friends above time for the two of us.  I have mixed feelings about this.  Kids grow fast and they need time with their father too, and with the four of us all together as a family unit.  And we really enjoy the time spent with our friends and don’t get to do that as often as we’d like either.  But, we need time for just the two of us every now and then also.  I know some couples manage to have a date night once a week, some every couple of weeks, some once a month, etc.  At this point I’d settle for a date night once a quarter.  You’d think that we could manage to sneak a date night in four times a year, wouldn’t you?  But, I guess neither one of us has made it a priority. 

Well, I think that’s quite enough about what’s not happening around here lately.  It’s funny because in some ways things have been getting more intense.  Michael’s been stepping things up more overall.  And he’s been more consistent in many ways, with maintenance and with some expectations he has of me.  Yet, the things I listed seem to have either slipped through the cracks or they just aren’t as important to our overall dynamic anymore and I’m not really sure which.

This is one of those posts that I’d rather not email to Michael for him to read.  But, that’s a rule that I don’t see changing.  I am curious what his reaction will be, what his thoughts are about these things.  Then again, I’m not entirely sure I want to find out either.  Hopefully he won’t think I’m trying to blame him.  I’ve just been thinking about things lately and how they’ve been changing, how we’ve been changing.  And one thing that struck me is that sometimes what’s not happening might be just as important as what is happening.

So, I’m wondering, curious, have you had rules or other parts of your dynamic that were important at one time that have gone by the wayside?  If so, why?  Did they seem unnecessary?  Did you outgrow them?  Did they just kind of slip through the cracks and get forgotten about?

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