Home is Where the Heart Is

We have a nice house that we’ve called home for the past, let’s see, almost 10 years.  It’s an older home and we’ve done some updating and have put our touch on it here and there.  There are plenty more projects we’d love to do (and that need to be done), but they require time, money, and motivation, and having all three of those at once doesn’t seem to happen very often.  Over a year ago now we almost put it on the market and purchased a new home, almost.  Things changed with Michael’s job and we got spooked.  It was probably a good thing we backed out because things were tight for awhile and that was without a bigger mortgage.

A few weeks ago I drove past a house for sale.  It caught my attention and I stopped and took a picture of it, including the real estate sign of course.  I mean, how else was I going to find out more information?  As it turns out, the house needs a lot of work.  But, the location is nice and the lot is great.  It’s a bit closer to, well, everything.  And it’s a bigger home, and one story instead of two.  Michael was intrigued enough to agree to go see it and we met the realtor at the house after we dropped my parents and nephew off at the airport.  We love it…well, speaking for myself and the kids anyway.  Michael really likes it too, but he has some major concerns. 

I can picture us there.  But, at this point I have no idea if it’s something we could do or even if it’s something we should do.  I’d love to press forward, ask a friend of ours who happens to be a contractor if he’ll take a look at the place, check into financing, etc.  I’d like to find out if it’s a possibility or if we should forget about it.  But, it’s not up to me.  Michael knows how I feel, but I’m not going to pressure him…or at least I’m going to try not to do that.  I don’t really know where he’s at with it.  We’ve talked about the house a lot.  He’s even drawn up a couple of alternate floor plans (no time better to move a wall than when the house is being renovated, right?). 

It’s exciting to think about, to talk about, but that’s also kind of dangerous as well.  In my opinion, if we’re not going to move forward, then we need to acknowledge it’s a no go and stop talking about it.  The kids are excited about the possibility too, but at this point it’s all pie in the sky and I know they were disappointed when we didn’t end up buying the other house.  I hate to think their hopes will be dashed once again.  And I feel like if they are, it’s my fault.  I’m the one who started all of this after all.  I don’t know what to do or what to think.  I feel like I’m in limbo.  On the one hand, I want to know one way or another, but on the other hand I don’t want my hopes dashed.  I guess this puts Michael in a precarious position.  He wants me to be happy and I’m sure he’d love to buy the house and have it fixed up and move, but his concerns are valid.

Do I dare to hope, to wish, to dream or do I label such things as foolishness and cast them off?  I think there needs to be a balance.  Dare to dream, but not at the expense of happiness.  Be grateful for all you have and look forward to the future, whatever it holds.  That seems like a goal worthy of trying to achieve.

Oh, and an update for those of you who may be curious as to how our daughter’s procedure went this morning.  It went smoothly and she’s doing well.  Now we just have to wait for biopsy results.  Thanks for your thoughts and prayers!


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