Sunday - ups & downs

Neither of us was particularly thrilled when the alarm went off Sunday morning.  The snooze button got a bit of a work out.  It was tempting to turn the alarm off altogether, skip church, and go back to sleep.  But, we didn’t.  Instead we lay in bed together, at first trying to ignore the fact that we really needed to get up and then eventually realizing that we needed to get moving.

I was about to go wake the kids up when Michael pulled me close and started kissing me.  Mmmmm, that was a nice.  But then his hands started roaming.  I protested, pointing out that it was getting late.  But I wasn’t going anywhere, he made sure of that.  In fact, apparently he felt the need to show me that he was in control, that I’m his, that I belong to him, all of me.  Seems that he wanted to start the day off on the right foot…or some such thing…and hey, what’s wrong with the left foot anyway?  I’d like to say that I fell into my submissive role nicely, but that’s not exactly the case.  I did get there, but it wasn’t instantaneous.   It wasn’t so much that I didn’t want to engage in such activities.  It was more about not wanting to give in and give up control.

We ended up being a little late to church, but a few others seemed to be on our schedule and hey, the sermon hadn’t started yet, so no biggie, right?  The service was great and then we were out and about all afternoon.  By the time we got home it was time to think about getting dinner started.  We were planning to have “dinner and a show” that evening.  Sound fancy?  Well, that translates to pizza and a movie.  This wasn’t just any old pizza though, not delivery or carry out, and certainly not something frozen and heated up in the oven.  No, Michael was making pizza.  He is the resident chef in our house, if you weren’t aware.  Oh yes, I do most of the cooking these days, but that’s only because I’m here and he’s often not.  In addition to making pizza for dinner, he put together a breakfast bake…both with leftovers in mind, something I certainly appreciate!

Dinner was fabulous and we enjoyed the movie too.  But, I may have started poking at my husband a bit toward the end of the movie.  Why do I do that?  Soon the kids were getting ready for bed and I decided to wash the dishes.  I was feeling a little unsettled.  I told the kids I wasn’t coming upstairs to say our family prayer together and I said goodnight to them.  Michael took the dogs out and then came over to find out what was wrong.  No words would come and I felt close to tears.  He started to push, trying to get me to talk and then the tears started to fall.  Now I was standing in front of the sink, washing dishes, suds all over my hands, tears running down my face.  Great.  He loved on me a bit and told me to come upstairs when I was done…it wasn’t a request.

After we got the kids off to bed, I put the television on in our room and lay down on our bed.  Michael wanted to talk and the words just weren’t coming to me.  I didn’t want to talk, I just wanted to snuggle into him and feel loved and safe and warm and forget that in the morning he’d be gone again, off working, supporting our family.  He, however, was getting upset that I wasn’t talking.  I think to him it seemed like I was putting up a wall, that I wanted to keep him out.  But, that’s not what I was doing at all, or at least that’s not what I was trying to do.  I was quiet because I was feeling quiet.  Yes, believe it or not, that does happen.  Finally, I managed to share just enough with him that he chilled out and we snuggled for a bit.

Eventually we realized that there were still lights on downstairs, I hadn’t taken my bedtime meds, the dogs were still up, and we headed downstairs.  I didn’t know what to expect when we went back upstairs.  Michael had told me a few times during the day that he was going to spank me again.  I wasn’t really sure if he meant it or not though.  When I’d ask him why he’d reply “because I want to” or “because I can” or something similar, usually with a smile on his face.  Well, he did spank me some, but mostly Sunday night was about reconnecting in a different way.  It was wonderful and then I did the unthinkable.  I don’t remember what he said while we were cuddling afterward, but I told him to shut up, and not really in a playful way even.  Ack!  Where was my head?  What was I thinking?  What on earth was wrong with me?  He wasn’t happy and I immediately apologized.

I was wondering if he was going to spank me more.  But, he said that we needed to get some sleep and he pulled me close.  I told him that I needed something from him first.  He looked at me quizzically and asked “Do you need me to spank you?”  I hesitated for a second, but I said no.  I told him I just wanted him to talk to me for a minute, about how things are between us, about our roles.  I think I drive him crazy with that sometimes.  I have a thing for words you see.  I know, you couldn’t tell by the short and to the point posts I write, huh?  And I love the sound of his voice.  And so sometimes I just want him to tell me, even though I already know.  I just need to hear it sometimes I guess.  He obliged and I snuggled up and reflected on the weekend, while he drifted off to sleep.

Overall I feel a bit disappointed in myself.  And I was NOT ready for the weekend to end.  I think that’s why I was feeling out of sorts Sunday evening.  I knew the weekend was almost over, Michael would be leaving and I didn’t know when I was going to see him again.  Would he be home during the week, or would I have to wait until next weekend to look into his beautiful eyes, feel his lips press against mine, be surrounded by the warmth of his body?  *sigh*


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