Prelude to Playing Possum

First of all, I want to thank all of you for your kind words and prayers.  My daughter is feeling so much better!  We still don’t know what caused the symptoms she's been having and we continue to pursue answers.  But, we’re very thankful that the symptoms have lessened greatly and that she's feeling a lot better.

With all the recent stress, what we all needed was a little get away.  Thankfully, we already had one planned!  God is good, he knows our needs, and he supplies.  Michael had taken Friday off and off we went.  We had a wonderful, relaxing, fun three day weekend with some family and friends.

I will say that there were some times when Michael and I seemed to be a bit out of sync with one another this weekend.  He’d planned to do maintenance before we left, kind of a combination of stress relief and a preemptive strike, to reaffirm our roles and put us on the same page so that we would enjoy the weekend.  But, that didn’t happen, maintenance that is.  Still, things were good between us and we were enjoying ourselves and each other’s company, until…

I had been out shopping with the other ladies and came back and wanted to snuggle with him.  What I didn’t know was that he was feeling kind of grumpy, a bit perturbed (not because of me) and because of that he didn’t receive me well.  I was very hurt and went off on my own for a little bit.  The walls were up when he came to find me and apologize.  And they remained that way to an extent.  I lowered them, but they weren’t down completely for the remainder of the weekend.

On our way home Michael surprised me with a stop at one of my favorite stores.  He told me that he wanted me to pick out a new purse for spring and summer.  I’d been looking at some when I’d gone shopping, but I had decided not to spend the money.  It was really sweet of him, a nice gesture, and I do love my new purse.

Sunday night came and we were home.  Unfortunately, I was expecting a punishment.  I had deliberately disobeyed Michael Friday night.  What I had done wasn’t really a big deal, except that he had explicitly told me not to do it.  In my defense, I had enjoyed a couple of glasses of wine and perhaps that had clouded my thinking a bit.  I know, I know, that’s not a good excuse and I knew what I was doing.  We got home later than intended Sunday, which meant that the kids got off to bed later than intended, and so did we.  Well, actually, we could’ve gotten to bed sooner than we did, but we sat on the couch to relax with each other before heading upstairs.  We probably would’ve gone up earlier actually, but we needed to wait for the kids to fall asleep so that Michael could administer my punishment.  But, it was obvious how tired Michael was when he fell asleep downstairs.  Honestly, I was pretty tired myself. 

When he woke up I asked him if he was still planning to spank me and his answer threw me for a loop.  He said that he didn’t really want to at that point and he asked me if I’d be okay without it.  I didn’t know what to say.  This wasn’t maintenance after all, it was punishment.  I muttered some kind of an answer; I think basically saying that I didn’t feel I needed it.  But as he soon found out, a storm was brewing. 

He got up to check on his laundry and after a minute, I followed him and confronted him.  I told him that it wasn’t fair for him to ask me if I’d be okay if he didn’t follow through with a punishment.  I said that I never want a punishment, that I hate punishments, but that it isn’t up to me.  I told him that it was up to him to decide whether to spank me or not.  I said that it was hard enough for me to just accept his decision and submit to it and that I didn’t need him to…um, mess (so not the word I used…I was upset and sometimes less appropriate words will come out of my mouth at such times) with me emotionally.  By the look on his face I could see that I had struck a chord.  I left the room and let him dwell on what I’d said.  After a couple of minutes he came and sat with me and told me that I was right and apologized.  We snuggled on the couch, not quite ready to head upstairs.  After a short time he told me that he was going to follow through with the punishment and that we’d go upstairs soon.  I didn’t really know how to feel about it, but I was glad that he’d made a decision.  I guess we sat there a little too long though, because this time I was the one who fell asleep.

Note: I don't usually do this, but when I was finished writing, this post was quite long.  So, I decided to break it up into two parts.  I'll post Playing Possum tomorrow to finish the story.  ; )


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