The 6 Month Mark


It’s been 6 months since we decided to incorporate DD into our relationship.  We were in a bad place as far as our marriage was concerned.  We didn’t get there overnight; over time we just let more and more things come between us...the struggles and stressors of life, health issues, financial concerns, tough decisions, moving, the deaths of family members and friends, etc.  For the most part we were living very independent lives.  We weren’t cheating on each other or anything of that sort, but we were really struggling.  We knew we needed to make a change, a big change.

I was thinking about these past 6 months and the changes that have already happened, the things we’re working on, and I kind of threw some questions at Michael via email…to give him a chance to think about it.

How are things different now?  What's been the biggest improvement?  What's been the biggest challenge? What has surprised you the most…either in a positive or negative way or was just plain surprising?

Improvements: communicating much better, less arguing, resolution to problems, we’re closer, more touchy feely, more and better intimacy, I feel RESPECTED, and respect you more as well
Surprised by: how easily I took to it, but also how much work it is
Biggest improvement: how much better we communicate & work together now
Biggest challenge is...surprise!  Consistency!  Second might be dealing with all of the emotional stuff you have been pushing down for a long time, which now comes bubbling out.  It's hard to see you upset.

I guess I wasn’t really surprised by his answers or at least not most of them.  I did notice that the only word in all caps involved RESPECT.  Obviously that’s a biggie for him.  And while I knew that, I guess it did surprise me to see that one word all in caps.  It also took me by surprise that he listed the biggest challenge as consistency.  I guess I figured he’d simply say: YOU!  lol  And I did know that it’s hard for him to see me upset.  I’ve cried more in the past 6 months than in…well…a long time.  It’s never from a spanking, not from the pain of a spanking anyway.  It’s all about emotions, and doesn’t necessarily occur anywhere near a spanking.  That’s been really hard for me too.  He’s right, I’ve been pushing those emotions down for a long time and now that it’s safe for me to let them out, out they seem to come, sometimes when I least expect it.

I suppose I can’t really ask him these questions and not ask them of myself too, huh?  I feel like I’m just going to be repeating what Michael already said though.  Okay, okay, I’ll answer anyway…

Improvements: I feel needed and loved, I don’t feel so alone and on my own (even when Michael is gone), communication is a biggie for sure (we communicate much more and the communication itself is much better), I smile and laugh more and don’t feel so stressed out all the time, the intimacy has been amazing, I feel as if my opinion matters to him and I feel as if I’m actually heard when I speak, we’re able to deal with issues and resolve them instead of having them hanging over our heads creating tension
Surprised by: just how all encompassing the changes and challenges have been
Biggest Improvement: hmmm, that’s a hard one, but I think I’d have to agree that it’s communication
Biggest Challenge: I guess I would say my biggest challenge is being open and vulnerable.  And though I think I’m moving past it now, another really big challenge for me has been just accepting my desire or maybe even need for this in my life.  Having Michael to support me and reassure me has really helped me through, but of course I’m still very much a work in progress.

It feels like we’ve come so far in 6 months, but it also still feels like we have a long way to go yet.  I look forward to the next 6 months and beyond!

I started this blog soon after we started doing ttwd.  My blog isn’t quite 6 months old yet and 66 people have signed up as followers, there have been close to 30,000 pageviews and almost 1300 comments.  Wow!  Quite honestly, that blows my mind.  I want to say thank you to everyone who has read and/or commented here.  I was nervous and excited about sharing my journey with others, but I’m so glad that I took the leap into blogging.  And I'm happy to have you along for the ride!  : )

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