In a bold move Michael has decided to suspend maintenance for the time being. He says that he plans to use regular reconnects and other types of spankings to help keep us on course. It will be interesting to see how things go without anything scheduled.
Overall, I feel relieved. With no scheduled maintenance there’s nothing to get put off or forgotten about and as such there won’t be the fallout either. I suppose, in a way, this kind of lets him off the hook. I mean, he doesn't have to worry about me being upset about his lack of follow through if he doesn’t remember or if he keeps putting it off. But then again, in another way I think it actually puts more pressure on him. I mean, if he’s going to spank “as needed” then he has to be paying attention, doesn’t he? And maybe it puts more pressure on me too, because if I’m not communicating how I’m feeling or what I need from him, then how will he be able to judge when something is needed?
It makes me wonder how things will work now, how often spankings will happen. I mean, I could see the frequency of spankings decreasing more and more and eventually becoming pretty rare...that is unless I get myself into some kind of trouble. And actually, if other types of spankings are a rarity, will that make him less likely to administer a punishment spanking as well? Then again things could go the other way. Maybe he’ll step up the spankings and feel free to spank me whenever he wants or thinks there’s a need. Could his motto become: when in doubt, spank? I mean, he had the ability to do that before, but perhaps he actually felt held back by having scheduled maintenance?
I’m the one who suggested the change, and yet, I found myself spiraling a bit after the decision had been made. Honestly though, I think that would’ve happened regardless of what Michael decided. It was like I was holding my breath, holding it together, until I knew what the course of action would be, if there would be a change or not. I wasn’t the only one feeling a bit unsettled yesterday though. I think the fact that I called him out on his lack of consistency was hard for Michael. I felt badly, I didn’t want him to be upset. But, I had come to a point where I really needed him to hear me. And thankfully, I think he did. I was shocked when I saw that he had commented to my post. If you’ve read here much, you know that’s very rare. I told him that I really appreciated it, but that he didn’t have to do that. He said that actually he felt he did need to; he felt he owed me a more public apology. I honestly didn’t even know what to say to that, but I did let him know that I think he's amazing.
I guess it’s just time to tweak things a bit. And I think this could be a good change of course for us. I hope it is. But, I guess that remains to be seen. And if it’s not, then we’ll just change things up again, whether that means bringing maintenance back or perhaps something else that’s not even on our radar at this point.
Wish us luck!