At only 5 months into this DD journey we’re striving to strike a balance. We’re not interested in a one sided relationship. Michael doesn’t want to control me. Well, okay, perhaps for some sexy D/s bedroom fun, but that’s not what I mean. He does however want to encourage me to show more self control. We’re finding our comfort zones, figuring out where the boundaries should lie, taking stock of where we are now, continuing to work on the areas that we’ve been working on and taking a look ahead to see what's next.
It seems to me that some men, husbands, HOHs seem to feel the need for such firm control over their wife and sometimes I can’t help but wonder why that is. Is she really that out of control? If so, then perhaps there’s something more going on that should be looked into. In some cases counseling or medication may be a big help. If not, I wonder if this need for such firm control stems from the man’s own insecurities. People often think of insecure people as weak and withdrawn, but they can be just the opposite, aggressive and controlling. Unfortunately, a controlling nature driven by insecurity can turn into an abusive situation. Lest anyone get their panties in a bunch, I’m speaking in generalities here, not of anyone in particular or any specific situation. I don’t pretend to know or understand all the ins and outs of other people’s relationships just from reading what they share online. I imagine what I read is but a small glimpse of their life and how this dynamic plays a part in it. However, there are times that I've read something and wonder and perhaps even worry a bit. I imagine I'm not the only one.
Ttwd is so individual…or…it certainly should be. There have been times I’ve come across something that seems to suggest that certain rules or guidelines or what have you should apply to all DD couples. Um, really? I’m not so sure about that. I mean, yes, things like love and respect should be a part of everyone’s relationship, DD or otherwise. But, even that can look different from relationship to relationship. And beyond that I think it’s up to each couple to decide what’s best for them, where their comfort level lies, where they want to draw those lines in the sand, etc. Just because my husband doesn't tolerate something doesn’t necessarily mean that your husband shouldn’t…just because your husband has a certain pet peeve doesn’t mean that it should also bother my husband…just because I struggle with a certain attitude or behavior doesn’t mean you do, etc. Oh, and remember as you shake your head at someone else’s behavior or attitude, soon enough they might be the one shaking their head at you instead because none of us are perfect, myself certainly included. The reality is that we’re all in different places in our journey and those lines in the sand aren't necessarily drawn in the same spots for each couple or even for the same couple at different stages. I think, I hope, that we all have the same goals in mind though, improving ourselves and our relationships. And it's so valuable to have a community of people for support, guidance and yes, even a bit of levity along the way, don't you think?