Turning a Corner

To tell you the truth, I’m still processing this weekend.  Michael had been gone all week and I’d missed him.  But I also knew that I would be disciplined while he was home, and of course there would be maintenance to attend to as well.  Michael planned to take care of both things Sunday evening because the kids weren’t going to be home.  He was glad that he wouldn’t have to worry about either of us being quiet.  I was a bit anxious about it, to be honest with you.  And yet, I too was relieved that I wouldn’t have to worry about the kids hearing anything.

I’d been chatting with a friend during the week about how sometimes the line seemed blurred between discipline and maintenance…that I wasn’t always sure where one stopped and the other started or if they sometimes merged into one.  She was kind enough to share with me how her husband handles things and while it didn’t sound very pleasant; it made a lot of sense to me.

Have I mentioned lately how thankful I am for my new friends and fellow bloggers?  I’m so appreciative to have others who understand because they’re on the same kind of journey as we are, to turn to and to share with, whether they’re farther along than we are, in about the same place or a few steps behind.  I’m honestly not sure where I’d be, where we’d be, without all of you…so thanks!  : )

Anyway, I decided to talk to Michael.  He was quite interested in what I had to say as he’d been having some of the same concerns regarding discipline and maintenance and had been mulling over how to change things up.  This was news to me, but I was glad that we seemed to be on the same page.

Sunday evening came and the kids were gone, spending the night at their grandparents.  Michael and I sat down to watch a movie together, snuggled up on the couch.  We enjoyed the movie, but I had mixed feelings as it came to an end.  I was looking forward to spending some intimate time with my husband, but I was nervous about the business that needed to be attended to beforehand.  He knew I was feeling anxious and as the credits rolled he turned to me, took my face in his hands and kissed me deeply.  We kissed for a few minutes, his mouth exploring mine, nibbling on my lips.  It was very tender and very passionate.  Then he stopped and looked into my eyes and told me how much he loves me, how much I mean to him.  And then his mouth was on mine again, his arms around me, holding me close.  I’m not sure how long we sat there like that, kissing and then him telling me all the things that any wife would love to hear from her husband and then kissing again.  But, at some point the music that was playing with the credits stopped and the movie restarted itself.  It startled us and when we realized what had happened, we had a bit of a laugh over it.  But then our eyes met again and the connection was undeniable.  We both knew what was going to happen next.

Michael told me to go upstairs and get ready.  He wanted me to be naked and waiting on the bed for him.  He said that he’d be up in a few minutes.  I did as he requested, heading upstairs and preparing myself.  I got chilled while waiting for him though and curled up under the blanket, hoping he wouldn’t mind.  When he came up he just smiled, closed the door and helped me up.  He sat on the edge of the bed and told me to hand him the wooden hair brush.  Oh, did I fail to mention that I picked one of those up?  The things a spanko will end up buying at the pharmacy while waiting for a prescription!  I handed him the brush and he sat there with it in his hand as we talked.  Well, mostly he talked, explaining to me exactly why I was being disciplined and asking me if I understood.  He also talked about how discipline was going to be different now, with a clear separation between it and any other type of spanking or activity.  He said that I wasn’t going to like it, that it would hurt and that was the point.  He admitted that it wasn’t something that he was looking forward to either, but that he needed to change things up, step things up, so that we could turn a new corner and move forward. 

Then he stood up and pulled me close with a stern look on his face.  He warned me that I was not, under any circumstances to put my hands back.  He told me that he would be hitting hard and if I put my hand back I was going to get hurt.  He kissed me and told me to get into position.  He wanted me to lay on the corner of the bed, my legs straddling it and hanging off, feet on the floor.  I asked him if I could have my pillow and he agreed.  I knew I’d need something to hold onto because I knew this was going to be intense.

I was right.  He placed one hand on the small of my back and started spanking with the hair brush, first one cheek then the other.  There was no warm up, he was hitting hard and at a rapid pace.  I cried out and struggled to hold still, grasping the pillow tightly.  After a flurry of swats I wasn’t sure how much more I could take.  I kicked my foot up and Michael almost hit it.  He stopped, knowing that I hadn’t meant to do that, but that I was really struggling.  He helped me up, made sure that I was okay and had me stand in the corner for a couple of minutes.  When he came back over to me he told me that we weren’t quite done.  I was disappointed, but I had kind of known that.  He had just given me a break to calm down a little and get myself together.  Back into position and he began again.  The second round, though still hard, was a little easier to take because essentially I was warmed up from the first set.  I managed to hold still a bit better this time and not kick a foot back, my grasp on my pillow was still rather tight though and neither I nor the sounds the brush was making as it hit my reddening bottom were quiet.  After another flurry of smacks, it was over and I was back in the corner.  But, I needed something from him.  I felt like I was still in trouble.  I needed his love and reassurance, him to hold me and tell me how much he loved me, so that I could move on.  I verbalized this to him and he was more than happy to help me.

Then it was time for maintenance.  The hair brush was laid back onto my dresser and in its place on the bed were the wooden spoon, the mini blind rod, the leather slapper and the leather paddle.  He started out with me lying over some pillows across the end of the bed and after a bit of that, he switched to me being otk.  Maintenance was much different than discipline had been, thankfully.  For one thing, I was well warmed up and he wasn’t hitting with as much force or as quickly either.  He was covering more area though, landing some swats on my thighs.  When he was done he seemed impressed by his handiwork.  He said that it wasn’t the reddest that he’s seen my bottom, but the most well covered.  He made me go look for myself, as if I couldn’t tell just how well spanked I’d been.  After a look in the mirror I turned around to see that he was lying on the bed.  He called me over to him and pulled me close, holding me tight and telling me how much he loves me and that he knew it was hard for me, but that I had done very well.  Then he started kissing me and things progressed from there.  My bottom was tender and I was constantly reminded of the evening’s proceedings as we enjoyed one another and danced our dance.  The night ended with us completely spent, happy and content, snuggled up with one another, falling asleep. 

Earlier, when Michael was talking to me after the movie, in between kissing me, he told me that out of everything, that was the part of the night he was looking forward to the most.  After all was said and done, the two of us snuggled up to one another, naked, and sleeping that way through the night, waking up with me still lying naked in bed with him in the morning was what he was most looking forward to.  It’s just not something we do anymore, sleep naked together that is.  We used to sleep that way all the time or nearly all the time, but once we had kids that changed.  It’s something that doesn’t really bother me, but I know he misses it.  And I have to admit, it was nice not to have anything between us.

I feel like we’ve turned a corner.   I suppose time will tell.  While I certainly didn’t enjoy the change in discipline, I think it was a good step and I have a feeling that it’s going to be a very effective change.  I actually think that I wasn’t too far from tears when he stopped after the first round.  He said that he thought so as well.  I don’t know how I feel about that.  I do know that I’m not anxious to find myself in the same position again, which I suppose is the point.  Discipline is meant to resolve issues that come up, rules that have been broken.  It’s a way to deal with things like disrespect and disobedience.  And it’s also meant to be a deterrent, a reminder of just what will happen in the future, that such behavior won’t be tolerated. 

Michael likes that the new hair brush sits out on my dresser.  He said it’s to stay there, as a reminder.  I will admit that I did look at it in a different light after Sunday night…wondering if I was crazy for having bought it in the first place!  But, if I hadn’t then he would’ve used the wooden paddle and that wouldn’t have been an improvement. 

Our love for one another is growing, a mutual respect is being reestablished, I’m feeling more comfortable in my submission and his confidence is growing as a leader.  It feels good…really good.  There are things we still need to work on as I’m sure there will always be, but we are working on them, together.

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