The Times They Are a Changing
My husband tends to be a bit of a work-a-holic. Asking him to take a day off is a tricky proposition. I first brought up the idea over a month ago. I told him that I had an important upcoming doctor’s appointment and that I was feeling a little anxious about it. I told him that if it was possible, I’d really appreciate him taking the day off to go with me. But, I was quick to add that I wasn’t asking for an answer right then, that I just wanted to let him know about it and that I was hoping that he’d at least think about it.
Every week or two I would casually mention something about my appt, but I never asked if he was taking the day off to go with me. A couple of times I said that I hoped he’d be able to come and how much it would mean to me, but that I would understand if he couldn’t for some reason. As the date of my appt approached I wondered if he’d decided yet, what he was going to do. Finally, he let me know that though he had reservations about it, that yes, he was going to take the day off. A sense of relief washed over me and my heart smiled. I let him know how much I appreciated it, appreciated him.
My appointment was Monday morning. That’s why the kids spent the night at their grandparents the night before. If you read my post yesterday, you already know how our evening went Sunday. The fact that we were so connected made for a good start to Monday. My appt was a bit long, but it went well and we decided to get some lunch afterward. He let me pick one of my favorite restaurants, one that we don’t go to often for a couple of reasons. First of all, we usually have the kids with us and there’s nothing there they like to eat. And secondly, it’s a bit more expensive. But the atmosphere is wonderful for a couple who wants to just sit and talk and enjoy their food and one another’s company. We picked things that we both enjoyed, that way we could share. It was nice, like a date…well, other than the fact that we’re married. ; )
After lunch we went for a walk and then to another appointment, this one was for him. He’d been trying to figure out when he was going to fit it in, and when I asked him to take Monday off it was the perfect time. We weren’t there very long; it was just a routine type of thing. Afterward we decided to head for home. Not long after, our kids arrived, brought home by their grandparents, and we all enjoyed dinner together.
This may not stand out to you as a very special day, a couple of appointments, a walk and a meal eaten out. But I can assure you that it was a special day to me, and I think to Michael as well. You see, it’s not often that he takes a day off and it’s not often that we spend most of a day together without the kids. The day started out being about my doctor’s appointment, but it ended up being about us. It ended up being about the choices we make and how those choices impact us as both as individuals and as a couple. It ended up being about spending time together, talking, laughing, holding hands and just enjoying one another’s company.
Before we started doing ttwd I would never have asked Michael to take the day off to go with me, to be by my side, to support me. I might have thought about it, but I wouldn’t have actually asked him. And, while I can’t say for sure, if I had asked, I doubt that Michael would’ve taken the day off. We were two independent people, essentially just trying to get along, which, quite frankly, wasn’t going so well. We weren't communicating to each other about much of anything and we certainly weren’t there for one another. And say that by some chance, I had asked and Michael had taken the day off, I know it wouldn’t have gone so well, much less have been a day that we both enjoyed so much. I imagine he would’ve been impatient because my appointment lasted so long. I don’t think we would have agreed on where to eat lunch and I doubt we would've shared each other’s food and talked and laughed and enjoyed one another’s company. We probably wouldn’t have chosen to go for a walk together and certainly not hand in hand. And I probably would've been annoyed to have to go with him to his appointment.
If so much has changed already, over just a few months time, I have to wonder where we’ll be when we’re celebrating our one year DD anniversary, and then two years and beyond. I mean, we’ve had our struggles already and I’m sure there will be more to come. But, it’s kind of exciting to think about. I look forward to being able to write a post about it, looking back on our journey. I know I’ve enjoyed reading others blog posts about such things, most recently on Susie’s blog. But, for now, I’ll enjoy our baby steps and try to think about the progress we have made to help keep things in perspective when things maybe aren’t going so smoothly.