Every Day? Maybe not.
So, last week Michael had said that he was changing things up. That he was going to spank me every day that he was home. If you want to read about that, check out this post.
I wasn’t sure how I felt about it. I knew why he had made the decision and what he was hoping to accomplish with it. He said that it may be only a few smacks, not necessarily a full blown event each time. It would depend on what he felt was needed.
Well, we’ve had some ups and downs since then and Michael decided that the everyday spanking is off. He says that it puts too much pressure on the situation. I’m trying hard not to interpret that as, he can’t be bothered. He says that we’re going back to maintenance once a week, discipline as needed, and if there are times in between that he feels a spanking is needed, for whatever reason, then that’s what he’ll do. Sounds reasonable, right?
*sigh* I’m so confused. It’s not that I want him to spank me every day that he’s home. But, he’d made the decision to do it and then didn’t follow through. I know there were reasons it didn’t always happen, but the reality is, it could’ve happened. I feel like I was set up and then the rug was pulled out from under me. And that doesn’t even make any sense to me, why I’d feel that way I mean. Honestly, I wonder if we just need a time out from DD altogether. During the events I described in After the Perfect Storm I told Michael that as far as I was concerned, I was done with DD, but that I would continue to try to be submissive to him if that’s what he wanted. He didn’t think that would work. And he may be right. I don’t know.
I’m at a place where I either want to drop it altogether or I want him to be consistent. Am I asking too much? Am I being unrealistic? Am I being selfish and self centered? Things have been so emotionally charged lately that I don’t even know. Yes, I’m feeling better about things overall, but I’m still kind of wondering, where do we go from here? *sigh*