Anticipating His Return

It’s the middle of the afternoon and I find myself thinking of him, missing him, wishing he was home.  I think he’ll be home tonight actually, but I’m not sure, maybe he said not until tomorrow morning.  His schedule is so erratic that sometimes it’s hard for me to keep track.  He hasn’t been gone that long, not even two full days yet.  But, I can’t wait to see him, to touch him, to…well…I’ll let you fill in the blank.  ; )  TTWD seems to make this being apart stuff harder.  I guess because it’s brought us closer together.  I long for his warmth, his strength, his everything. 

And yet, I wonder, how will I receive him when he comes home.  Will his submissive wife be here to greet him or will Miss Attitude show up?  I’d like to say that I’ll be sweet and warm and loving, just happy to see him and welcome him home.  But, that’s not always the way it plays out, despite my intentions.

I also wonder, how will he be when he gets here?  Will he be tired, grumpy, upset about things at work?  Work has been stressful for him lately and sometimes when he gets home he’s just not in the best of moods.  I always hope that he’ll just feel relieved to be home, relaxed and happy to see us.  But I know it’s not always that easy to shed the frustrations and negativity that he’s been dealing with lately.

And then my mind wanders to this past weekend.  Friends of ours came over.  The kids played, we hung out and caught up with each other and we had dinner together.  I’d been looking forward to it , but I’d also been a little worried about it.  You see, the wife and I, well, I guess you could say that we’re partners in crime.  Ok, we’re not actually into any criminal activity, but we have a blast together.  And, sometimes we can get a bit carried away…did I say “can” and “a bit?”  Hmmm…well, you get the idea.  ;)

This is the friend that I was thinking of when I wrote the post Relinquishing Control and yes, she’s read it.  I emailed it to her.  She knows that I have a blog and that I don’t share the link with anyone (including her) and she understands the whole freedom in anonymity thing.  But, I told her that I’d written this post for my blog and that I wanted to share it with her as well.  Before this, I had mentioned that Michael and I were making some changes, kind of polishing up the rough edges of our relationship, but I hadn’t gone into any details.  I really wasn’t sure how she’d react.  But, she said that she loved my writing style and thought it was great that I was willing to try something outside my comfort zone.  She didn’t say too much about it really, and that’s ok.  I mean, what did I expect her to say really?  Well, I half expected her to tell me that I had obviously lost my mind!  lol 

So, this weekend was the first time that I’d seen her since sharing that blog post with her.  I wondered if she’d be kind of watching Michael and I, looking for any differences, trying to perceive any changes between us.  I kind of doubted that she’d bring the subject up, but I was certainly willing to discuss it with her if she wanted to talk.  I also wondered about my own behavior.  I mean, well, I can go a little overboard when she and I are together.  It’s always meant in good fun, but, well, like I said, sometimes we things can get a little out of hand.  As it turns out, I needn’t have worried about such things.  Everything was easy between us, as always.  The subject never came up and if she was watching Michael and I, well, there really wasn’t much, if anything, to notice.  As for my behavior…well, there was some good natured teasing, but it wasn’t anything that Michael seemed to have a problem with.  Good friends, good food, and a good time was had by all.

Ok, back to Michael coming home.  Guess what?  He just called and said that he’s coming home tonight.  While this makes me happy, it also puts me on edge a bit too.  Why is that?  (I’m asking myself really)  I know that he’d tell me to chill and I imagine he’s right (he’d say: Of course I’m right!  lol).  I don’t know why these feelings crop up when I know he’s coming home.  I’m trying to figure out how long I’ve felt this way.  I’m not sure, but I can remember feeling this way before we even started DD, though I think ttwd has heightened them, these feelings that is.  I remain a bit perplexed.  Someday I will figure this out.  I guess I’m just not there yet.


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