Ok, I know that Stormy is right when she said that I shouldn’t compare too much (in a comment to this post). But, I keep reading about women crying from DD, whether it be discipline or maintenance or whatever. Well, I don’t cry, or I haven't, not from a spanking that is. And I’m curious why others do and I don’t.
I find myself wondering if the tears are from the physical pain or if it’s more of an emotional response to the situation. From what I’ve read it seems like it’s more from the emotional response or maybe from the combination of both. Michael and I wonder if I would benefit from the emotional release, but he isn't sure how to help me get there, and I don’t know what to tell him. Then again, he’s not sure how he’d feel about it if I did cry anyway.
I’ll go from being tensed up at the beginning of a spanking, feeling mad or upset, maybe even thinking it’s unfair, and almost always end up feeling much calmer, relaxed and loved by the end. (how does that work anyway? *shrug*) But, I don’t cry or even really feel like I’m going to cry. It’s not that I don’t feel repentant if I’ve done something wrong. It’s not like I’m emotionally detached or something. And I can assure you it's not because Michael goes easy on me. For the most part, I’m not the type of person who cries often or easily. But it’s not like I’m stoic either. There are certainly times when the tears flow readily.
So, what's going on? Do I still have walls up? Am I’m scared to be that vulnerable? I don’t know. Maybe it’s just that we’re all different.
Honestly, I don’t really know whether I want to be brought to the point of tears. I guess I don’t know where I would be emotionally if I cried. Would I feel better or would it make me feel like my spirit had been broken? Mind you, these thoughts aren’t going through my head during discipline. At that point I’m definitely in the moment. But whenever I read about someone else crying, I wonder why and what it would be like. *shrug* I guess I’m just curious.