Last Night

I was snuggled up to him on the couch watching some television.  He was tired and falling asleep.   I was content to snuggle and watch whatever I wanted to watch…for awhile.  But then, at some point, I started feeling restless.  He had a little nap while we snuggled and then started to wake back up.  He watched a little tv with me and then we headed off to bed together.   The problem was, he was still tired and I was wide awake and longing for him to assert himself. 

I don’t know why, but it seems like lately the more I submit to him, the more I need to feel that he’s right there, strong and stern, loving, but strict.  I don’t think I really want him to be as strict as I desire him to be at times right now.  It’s confusing for me and so I end up confusing him too.  He continues to step up more and more, often surprising me, and, in turn, my reactions often surprise me too.  An unexpected look, a comment or the tone of his voice, a tug on my hair or his hand pulling my chin up so that I’m looking him in the eyes can take my breath away.  And as much as part of me loves it, there’s another part of me that’s a little scared of it.  Well, maybe not scared exactly, but uneasy, nervous, anxious…something like that.  It’s just hard…wonderful really, but hard…to be so open, so transparent, to let him in, to be so truly intimate. 

In some ways it’s almost like new love.  We’re discovering one another again.  He makes my heart beat faster.  He leaves me breathless.  And yet I still fight him at times…though, I’m not quite sure if I’m really fighting him or if I’m fighting myself.  As we were lying in bed I told him of my struggle emotionally with this whole thing...that sometimes it was like I had a little angel on one shoulder and a little devil on the other and they were fighting one another and I was caught in the middle.  I admitted that I was feeling that way at the time and that I was having a really hard time figuring out who I should listen to, the angel or the devil.

Michael decided to help me out and put an end to my inward struggle.  He had me get up on my elbows and knees with my back arched low.  His hand was firmly on the small of my back, making sure I understood that I was to hold my place.  In his other hand he held the rod, which he used on my thighs.  He started off with lighter, but swift swats and then started increasing the force, but slowing down the pace a little.  At first it was so hard to hold still.  My thighs aren’t used to much of this treatment and that rod really stings!  But his hand on my back was insistent and as things progressed I got a bit better about holding still.  I was relieved when he stopped, until I heard him open a drawer.  I held quite still and listened intently, wondering what he was up to and then I heard it…the snap of a bottle lid.  Lube!  Oh no!  The part of me that I was hoping he’d pay some attention to next sure didn’t need lube!

Michael told me, in no uncertain terms, to stay in position.  And almost before my mind had absorbed what was happening, his finger was deep inside me.  My mind was reeling.  Where was he going with this?  Was he just trying to make the point that he could do whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted, that my body belongs to him, that I’m not allowed to withhold any of myself from him?  If so, point taken!  But I worried; did he have other plans, would things progress from here, and if so, where was he headed with this?  I was hoping that Senior Butt Plug wasn’t going to make an appearance.  Turns out that I needn’t have worried about the Senior.  What I should’ve been worried about was Michael himself because soon it wasn’t just his finger that was sunk deep within me!  Oh yes, he was making a point alright and there was no way I was going to be able to deny that I was his, all of me…his to do with as he pleased.

It had been awhile since we’d had anal sex and I really hadn’t seen this coming.  I guess I should’ve.  I mean, he’s been playing around back there with his finger from time to time and even introducing the Senior to the mix on a couple of occasions, but last night I just wasn’t expecting it.  And I think that’s part of why he did it too…to keep me on my toes.  

So, this was how we ended the day…a day that had started off with a completely different intimate moment, no lube needed!


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