For some reason this morning I’m feeling kind of emotional.  I haven’t been crying and don’t feel like it actually, but there’s some unrest just below the surface.  Maintenance and discipline were both light over the weekend…don’t want any marks for the doctor to see after all (time for that yearly exam).  And we found other ways to reconnect. So, why do I feel this way this morning?

Honestly, I think it’s at least in part because I’m getting back in touch with my emotions.  I guess that's what happens when those walls start to come down.  I’m fine with the pleasant ones, but what to do with the unpleasant ones, especially if they’re in response to something that I have no control over?  I think there are things that I’ve been upset about and didn’t know how to deal with and so those emotions got set aside, stuffed down, bottled up.  I mean, I’ve never been the kind of person to wallow in my sadness or hurt or disappointment, but I wonder if instead at times I just haven’t dealt with how I’ve felt at all.  I don’t know.  Emotions are complicated.  It’s not healthy to let them rule you, but it’s not healthy to bottle them up either.

I think, in a lot of ways, DD has forced me to look at myself with fresh eyes.  We’re such creatures of habit, and now I’m trying to change those habits and make new ones.  To do that, I first have to see where I’ve been going wrong to begin with.  I now see the attitude I’ve all too often had, just how quick I am to respond in a negative way and I have to wonder, where is that coming from? 

Time to take a look inside.


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