I’ve always said that good communication is the key to a good relationship. But, the fact of the matter is, Michael and I had really started to neglect that area of our relationship.
He was busy with his work thing. I was busy with my mom thing. And we weren’t taking much time for each other. Of course we communicated…about the kids, school, the house, his schedule, etc. But what we weren’t talking about was us. We were stuck in the same rut that many other couples find themselves stuck in.
Then we started DD. And things began to change. I needed to know his expectations of me and the reasons behind them. He needed to know how I was feeling about things and where I was emotionally. We needed to know what we both wanted out of this. And that involves a lot more communication with one another!
Michael travels a lot for work, which can make things more difficult, but we’re making the effort. We often email, text and talk on and off throughout the day. Of course some days we communicate with one another more than others, but that’s just because some days are busier than others. We’re becoming more open and honest with each other. And to be more open and honest with one another, we have to be more open and honest with ourselves. It’s pretty easy to simply dismiss thoughts and feelings after awhile, filing them away for another time, or for all time. Now we’re more likely to share something rather than keeping it to ourselves.
Don’t get me wrong, we still have a long way to go. I will still sometimes respond with “nothing” when he asks me what’s wrong or “fine” if he asks how I am. But, he’s much less likely to leave it there. Now he pushes for the real answer and I’m more willing to give it to him because I believe he actually wants it. Mind you, this means that I have to look deeper into myself to see what’s really going on and I’m not so used to that either. Sometimes I have to admit that I don’t really know why I’m upset or feeling unsettled. And sometimes I’ll even talk it out with him and we’ll figure it out together. That’s really new in our relationship! It’s a good thing, but it’s also something that I struggle with to a certain extent because I’m just not used to letting him into my thought process or exposing my feelings in that way. I’ve also seen him struggle with how he’s feeling sometimes and he’s more willing to let me in as well. We’re really learning a lot about ourselves and one another. For those who think that DD is merely about rules and consequences, there’s really so much more to it.