Checking in With Each Other

I sent Michael this email earlier…

Subject: Just wanted to tell you

...that overall I'm feeling a lot better.  And, I'm not just talking about my cold.  I guess I really needed you to step up and yes, even to provide some structure for me...not that I like to admit such things.  I guess it makes me feel like you're a bigger part of my everyday life, that you care and that you’re watching out for me.  Though, I will admit that sometimes I just plain don't like it.  I'm used to being so independent that having rules to follow, ones that I may not always agree with or want to deal with, well, that's hard for me sometimes.  But, overall I'm just happier.

How about you?  How are you feeling about this stuff?  I tend to worry that it's putting too much on your plate when you already have a lot on your plate.  I don't want to be a burden.

His response: My family is NEVER a burden!  Love you too!
I wasn’t sure what to make of that.  Had I hit a nerve?  I hadn’t meant to.  And he didn’t answer my question.

So, I replied: Ok, um, guess I pushed a button?  Sorry.  But you didn't really answer my question.  I said that I'm feeling happier overall.  How about you?  Are you feeling happier too or more stressed or???

His response: No, you didn’t push any buttons.  I just don't want you to think that.  Yes, happier, miss you more, and desire you more.  More stress yes, but I'm good with it.

Hmmm, very interesting…so, he’s happier, misses me more and desires me more.  I guess TTWD is working!  *big grin*  I figured it was probably more stressful for him in some ways because it requires more of him.  I mean, I know we’re always on his mind and that he misses us when he’s gone, but keeping more on top of things here…or, me really…is certainly a bigger commitment for him both when he’s away and when he’s home.  And it’s also hard for me to let him have that input and control over things…um, me…especially when he’s not here.  In a lot of ways, I’ve been the one piloting this ship for a long time, so this is a big change.

I’m glad I sent him the email.  I wanted to check in with him.  I wanted to let him know how I felt.  And I’d really been wondering how he’s been feeling too.  This journey we're on sure can be interesting, and confusing sometimes, and yet, oh so wonderful.  Mostly I'm just glad that we're on it together!  : )


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