I’ve done it now. I asked Michael to spank me tonight. It’s not late enough in the day for me to be really nervous about it yet…that will set in later I’m sure.
I’ve been feeling all out of sorts, stressed out, and worrying about stuff. And I’ve been upset with myself about a few things, but mostly my attitude. I need the release that a spanking will provide. I want this to feel sort of like a second chance, an opportunity to have the old washed away and begin anew. I told him that I didn’t want him to go easy on me and I warned him that I would try to talk him out of this later or try to get him to stop sooner than he should once he started.
Yes…I’ve clearly lost my mind.
I’m hoping he’ll lecture me a little, but I don’t really know how comfortable he is with that yet. I feel the need for him to be strict with me tonight and not let me get away with anything. How long and hard he spanks, what implements he’ll use, and if there will be corner time involved, I don’t know, it's up to him.
I think I quite surprised him with my request. And from his reaction, I think on the one hand he’s glad that I was brave enough to ask and on the other hand he’s concerned about taking things too far. He’s always concerned for my well being, which of course is a good thing. But, sometimes it keeps him from taking me where maybe I need to go.
Anyway, I really don’t know what will happen later. I think I’m going to try to focus on something else now that I’ve gotten this out of my head and onto paper…well, virtual paper anyway. Maybe we’ll just snuggle up and watch a movie together tonight instead, falling asleep in each other’s arms. Yeah, that sounds nice. I think I’ll focus on that…at least for as long as I can.