A Question

Michael has been stricter with me lately, not letting me get away with as much.  In reality, this is a good thing because I'm trying to change and I need his help.  However, sometimes I find myself feeling upset and discouraged.  I told him that sometimes I feel like he's upset with me all the time, like I'm constantly letting him down.  Michael says that's not the case at all and that he's just stepping up more. 

But, you see, I may have a bit of a perfectionist streak...maybe...just a bit, you understand.  And I tend to be an all or nothing type person.  Moderation isn’t a close friend of mine.  I dove headlong into this and now I don't really have much patience with myself I guess.  I mean, shouldn’t I have this down by now?

Sometimes I just feel like maybe I’m not good enough, somehow, less than.  I know that’s not how Michael feels or wants me to feel.  Part of me wonders if this is just a sign of me getting back in touch with feelings I haven’t let myself feel or dwell on for awhile.  Sadly, when I think about it now, I realize that I was becoming kind of cold, calloused, and calculating.  (Michael says that I'm being awfully hard on myself, but agrees that I've had an attitude problem)  I would say and do things and if I felt a pang of guilt, I’d push it aside and move on.

Michael wants to know how he can let me know that I’m out of line without me feeling like a disappointment or even a failure.  I don’t know what to tell him.  As of this moment, I simply don’t have an answer for that.

So, any suggestions?  Could this just be part of the transition we’re going through?  Are these essentially growing pains?  Have you dealt with this issue?  If so, how did you resolve it?  Did it resolve naturally over time as your relationship evolved?


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