What is wrong with me?

So, last night as I was lying in bed I was thinking to myself that maybe I shouldn’t text Michael in the morning.  (texting him every morning he’s not home when I get up is one of my rules)  Why wouldn’t I text him?  I was thinking about testing him.  I’m curious, would he really discipline me for not texting him?  Would he follow through?  Well, there was one sure fire way to find out…not text him!  I fell asleep thinking that this might be a good idea.

Thankfully this morning when I woke up I had a bit more sense about me.  I remembered thinking about not texting him, but quickly dismissed the idea and promptly texted him.  I’m very good at pushing his buttons and testing him…we’ve been down that road plenty of times.  But, that’s something I’m trying to stop doing.  It’s the whole willful disobedience thing.  Quite honestly, that can be as challenging for me as the whole respect thing at times.

What’s wrong with me?  I’ve agreed to this type of structure in our lives.  I know that we’re both much happier this way.  But yet, I find myself entertaining such ideas.  I could give some excuses…it was late, I was tired, old habits are hard to break, etc.  But I wonder, how do I expect my husband to understand me when I don’t even understand myself sometimes?


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