Ups and Downs

When Michael texted me yesterday morning to let me know he’d be home a little earlier it made me smile.  He’d been gone all week and I was looking forward to seeing him.  What I didn’t realize is that inside I was also feeling nervous.  I was nervous about maintenance, whether I’d earned any discipline or not, and whether he’d actually follow through with any of it.  I was worried that we wouldn’t connect with each other like we had the previous weekend.

Things didn’t start off well.  Apparently, he was hoping I’d come out to greet him when he arrived home and I didn’t.  So, things started off with him being disappointed.  Then I got upset.  I was upset because he was disappointed when I didn’t think he should’ve been and also because I disappointed him, whether I meant to or not.  So, then I ensued with some, um, not so lovely behavior…such as walking away from him when he was talking to me, continuing to walk away when he called me back, and just generally having a bad attitude.  As you can imagine that didn’t go over very well.

I don’t know why I let one little thing set me off, but once I was headed down that road I found it hard to turn things around.  I was kind of up and down the rest of the day…sometimes being very pleasant and respectful and other times, well, not so much.  We both had stuff to get done during the day and by the time evening rolled around I was feeling really emotional.  I was upset because I’d let myself behave badly especially when I’d been excited for him to get home.  I was a bundle of emotions…still happy he was home, upset with him for getting upset with me, upset with myself for upsetting him, upset with myself for not dealing with the whole thing differently, nervous about maintenance, wondering if I’d earned any discipline.  Not a pretty picture.  Well, I ended up crying and not talking to him and managed to sneak off to bed.  Once upstairs I was kind of at war with myself.  I was telling myself that I should just try to fall asleep, but then I didn’t feel good about deserting him like that and leaving things a mess.  Ugh.

After a little bit, Michael came upstairs.  I didn’t know what to expect.  Was he mad at me?  Was he going to try to make me tell him what was wrong?  (and with all the different emotions and thoughts jumbled in my head, just what was I going to tell him, how was I going to try to explain?)  Would he just get ready for bed and go to sleep?  And somewhere in the back of my mind I dared to wonder, would he still want to do maintenance?  And how was I going to react if that was the case?  *sigh*  Yeah, I was kind of a wreck.

What Michael actually did was probably the best thing he could’ve done and I’m grateful.  He laid down on the bed and pulled me to him.  He kissed me and held me and told me he loved me.   He was very sweet to me, but there was something about his demeanor that told me that I should just go along with it, not try to pull away.  After a few minutes I started to feel a little better and then he started pushing me farther, a little at a time.  He started out by slipping his hand under my nightshirt to roll my nipple between his fingers.  When I tried to push his hand away he took a hold of my wrist and placed my hand above my head and told me to keep it there.   He told me that I belonged to him and that I was to be available to him at all times.  It wasn’t long before he had undressed me and was playing with whatever he wanted, his hands and mouth roaming all over my body, all the while reassuring me and not letting me interfere.  He was most certainly dominating me, but in a very gentle and loving way.

After getting me quite worked up he made me lay on my back in the middle of the bed, my arms above my head and my legs spread wide.  He told me that I had to be still and keep my eyes closed.  Oh dear, now what was he up to?  It wasn’t long before I found out.  The next thing I knew he was gathering the pillows, putting them at the end of the bed and placing me over them, face down, bottom raised.  It was time for maintenance.  His implement of choice for maintenance is the rod.  Right now it’s just a mini blind rod, but he has his sights set on several other rods or canes.  I haven’t really decided whether I should be scared or excited by that…maybe a little of both.  Anyway, I have no idea how long it lasted or how many strokes he laid on my bottom and upper thighs.  But, what I do know is that he was thorough!  In fact, as I sit here typing this, sitting on a wooden chair, I’m still squirming a little bit.
 
Maintenance was followed by some fabulous sex.  We often have sex after maintenance, but not always.  Believe it or not, even after all of this, I was still feeling a little emotional…a little…insecure I guess.  But, he drew me to him and held me, letting me melt into him, telling me how much he loved me…and there, in his arms, I fell asleep, feeling secure and loved.

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