It’s Monday…butt plug anyone?
Once again Monday has rolled around. Michael is back at work and I’m settling into my weekday routine as well. I almost forgot to text him this morning. That wouldn’t have been good. It would’ve meant that I’d earned my first discipline since we got more serious about this stuff, since there were rules to be followed, rules with consequences.
Ya know, in many ways this Monday feels like any other Monday. But, that’s what makes it feel strange too. The changes going on in our relationship feel like such big changes…and yet, the day to day things go on as they always do. Thinking about it, maybe the details of the changes aren’t really that big, in and of themselves. I guess maybe it’s more the whole prevailing attitude, the dynamic, the big picture.
I find myself wondering, will I be good all week again only to blow it again when the weekend comes? This is assuming that Michael will be gone all week, which is uncertain at this point, but likely.
I’m also wondering if he’s going to have a new toy for me the next time I see him. He’s been talking about buying a butt plug. Ok, yes, I admit it, he’s used a butt plug on me (maybe that should be, in me) before, but it’s been quite awhile. Lately he’s been reminding me that all of me belongs to him...that I’m not to withhold any of myself from him. And yes, that includes that particular orifice in my nether regions. *uneasy sigh*
I have sort of a love/hate relationship with anal play. It’s not so much something I give, but something he takes. And I guess that’s both why I love it and why I hate it. It’s not something I’d ever ask for and I don’t think I’d enjoy it at all if it wasn’t a clear sign of his dominating me and my submission to him…but, because of that, well, it can be pretty powerful.
Oh, back to the butt plug. *nervous giggle* The thing is, I’m not entirely sure if he wants to use it on me (um, in me) when he’s home…or…if he’s going to tell me that I have to put it in sometimes while he’s gone. Oh dear. That makes a girl’s heart skip a beat. I’m not sure how I feel about either of those, but the second idea…well, that leaves me a little breathless. Would I do that if he asked me to…if he told me to? He wouldn’t really ask that of me anyway, would he? If he did, he wouldn’t really know if I put it in or not, not if he’s not home. But could I lie to him about it? No, probably not. I wouldn’t want to lie, and it’s not like he’s not going to ask about it. Ok, I’m getting a little carried away with myself when, as far as I know, he hasn’t even bought it yet. I guess my visceral reaction is probably due to the idea of him dominating me in such a manner when he wasn’t even here…the idea that he could wield that much power over me…and the idea that I might be willing to submit to it, to that, to him. (thinking to myself...he wouldn’t like that word might…which is precisely the kind of reason he’d have me do such a thing to begin with)
Ok, um, *clearing my throat*, obviously that’s enough of that kind of talk! As for today, yes, today, Monday, overall I feel pretty content. No, the weekend didn’t go exactly as planned, but things ended up in a good place and hopefully the weekend ahead will go smoother. One day at a time right? Yup, that seems to be the best way to take things at this point. One day at a time. ; )
Oh, and about the title of this blog post...it's what first popped into my head and it made me giggle. lol